.... The Messy Mind of J'rod: October 2005
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Thursday, October 27, 2005

What am I changing into?

Quite a lot has happened since my birthday, but much of it had to be kept on the down-low. I feel like my life has taken a drastic turn in a new direction (possibly for the worse). I feel like I've cocooned into an asshole. My entire life consisted of me wanting to please everyone, and just be a good guy. When I became religious, I felt even more enthusiastic about being good. However as of late I've been either depressed or somehow unfulfilled. Maybe it was because I was out of school, and had nothing to focus on. Perhaps it had to do with getting older and not progressing in life. In the end I feel like I've become less concerned about anything, and more focused on my own enjoyment. I've taken the "Fuck it" approach to everything, and seem to be living one day at a time. Who knows; maybe this is just what I need to kick start my life again. My depression finally broke just before my birthday, but my attitude hadn't changed. I still feel like I'm living the life of those typical assholes that guys despise and girls (for some reason) admire. I'm not sure what I like what I'm changing into, and I try to fight it every step of the way. It goes to show you that you don't always have control over becoming the kind of person you are. What scares me the most is that I might like being this person too much. When you taste sin, it can be hard to say no to it later. Let's be honest for a minute...

I've always accepted myself as the person who never really stands out in a crowd, and is never a part of those wild stories people hear. I'm always responsible, and mature. I treat people with respect. I'm never considered "the attractive one," nor have I been "the cool one." But lately I've changed into a self-centered, slightly egotistical, know-it-all, top-notch, hot, bartender who the girls love, and the guys respect. WTF?!?!? I've never received so much attention in my life, and it's getting to my head. I'm actually kind of scared... I dunno, that maybe God is testing me. If that's the case, then I'm gonna fail miserably, aren't I?

Friday, October 21, 2005


I love the new T.O.K. song "Footsteps" dedicated to the poem of the same name. I could've sworn I heard the song a long time ago... maybe this is a remix. Anyway, here are some lyrics for you:

One set of footprints inna di sand and yuh a grumble and a screw a seh it shoulda be two remember one thing mi youth a Father God have the plan so when you see one set of footprints a God carry you.
Hurry up and come back was the last thing she said to her son the day his life was taken she did not know he would'nt come back he died from the bullet of a gun and now her little boy is gone
She said help me, Lord help me and when she looked up to the sky and she heard a voice reply
When you cry I cryI cry along with you. When you smile I smileI smile along with you
Another baby left homeless abandoned when he was two so the street side kids at the shopping mall was the family he knew it's not easy being homeless sometimes you have to do what you what you have to do and he didn't have a mom or dad to help him get through
He said help me, Lord help me, and then he looked up to the sky and he heard a voice reply
It was early sunday morning mi get up a watch the news then mi hear seh friday a seaview dem kill a youth den mamma tell mi seh her church sister jacquline just loose her brother over seaview gardens when she tell mi jah jah know ti mash mi up naah tell nuh lie but yuh know seh man a thuggist so yuh naah go see me cry everyday and everynight she still a ask the father why her brother had to die she heard a voice reply

I'd like to thank Arielle for first bringing this song to my attention... it has officially become our song.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

My Birfday!!!!

First and foremost, I’d like to thank everyone who showed up, or had anything to do with my Surprise Party yesterday. I’m so grateful to have friends like you all, and I always feel fulfilled when those who are close to me are all in one room. I had such a great day! It started off with sushi at a place called Sushi On Bloor, downtown. Olaf, A-Sac, and Noah joined me for bento boxes, and Ginger-Wasabi Rolls. We then left in search of Chinatown since Olaf said he needed some cherry bombs. This of course was all an elaborate attempt to keep me from coming home. I hadn’t realized this until not five minutes away from home, Olaf began to stall. “Ah, my leg hurts!” or “I’m too tired to carry this beer.” It then clicked in that something was happening, but I said nothing. Let’s fast forward past the whole surprise! I just shit my pants part. Everything was great. There was food (tacos and dessert), there was beer (and Uzo dammit!), and there was a chocolate cake (not for eating…I’m getting to it). Of course Bee thought it would be a good idea to get the girls to “shwing!” me (It’s a Jack’s thing), and topped it off with the cake in my face. I saw it coming a mile away, but I let them have their fun. Finally (after a quick shower and some shots) we headed out to the Firkin where the shooters never seemed to end. More people showed up then, and the fun really began! After beer, liquor, shooters, and a glass of Wolf Blass, I was done. That was my first official Yakking on the account of alcohol abuse, but at least I took it well. Apparently Olaf has a 6 minute video of me throwing up (which he wants to sell). When it was done, I got a quick and painless ride home (Thanks Jo-Jo), and passed right out on my bed. I was later told that I was visited by Splooge, Tsiokos, and a few others, and that I was incoherently trying to put sentences together. I don’t remember that!

Wow… what an awesome B-Day!!! And it took me a full 24 hours to recover. So here I am in my NEW COMPUTER CHAIR, eating my CINNIMON COOKIES, and sincerely thanking you all for making this possible. And here are the credits:

There are so many people I’d like to thank, but frankly I don’t know where half the gifts came from, and I’m not entirely sure who came out after my 9th shooter. Well, here we go:
Thao: Thank you so very much for coming out. You don’t know how empty the night would’ve been had you not been there. And thank you for that amazing BANANA BREAD!!!
Albert: I’m pretty sure you contributed to my drunkenness with a shot or two, but thanks as well for not telling anyone I spit out that one shot when no one was looking (to which I swallowed back up when you gave me that look).
Jo-Jo: Your COOKIES are amazing! Keep the damn 20!
Jacki and Jessica: Well, I know the card with the lotto tickets were from Jo-Jo, and you (and a half), so thank you. I’m glad you came out.
Leah: I’ve known you for such a short time, but somehow it felt right that you were there. Thanks for putting up the decorations, and assembling the chair (It’s still in one piece).
Olaf, Noah, Andrew: Thanks for the amazing sushi, bubble tea, and beer. The bestest food and drink in the world!! It was a great day chillin’ with you guys, whether it was for distraction reasons or just to hang out. Oh and Olaf you asshole…thanks for the friggin’ Uzo shot that you claim put me over the edge and made me puke. And thanks for recording 6 minutes of my vomit. And thanks for constantly reminding me that payback’s a bitch! You’re awesome!
Byron: I know you had a hand in a lot; but that Johnny Black is gonna go real fast!
Bre: I know you too had a hand in a lot of the prep work, so thank you for everything you’ve done for me!! Imagine what the sheet would look like if we were still counting!
Bryan: You put it all together!! Who’d’ve thought? Bryan you are a great friend, and I can’t begin to express my gratitude (without showing any gay innuendos).
And I thank everyone else who came out (whether I was sober or already passed out) for making me feel special (okay say it… Little Yellow School Bus). Thanks Lee, Arielle, Carmella, D-Train, Marta, A3, Chad, Peter, Peter and Jenny, Cece, Donia, Splooge, Tsiokos, and everyone else whom I very unintentually forgot.
Okay, nuff’s enough… time for bed.
PS. This is my name in Chinese (click on Chinatown to get yours):