.... The Messy Mind of J'rod: June 2011
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Sunday, June 26, 2011

Pthzhzhzhz and eh?

I'm painting a book.  No I'm not writing a book... well, yes I'm writing a book too, but I'm also painting a book.  actually two; I'm painting two books, and one of them is called The Book of Gildus.  It is the name of one of the books I want to eventually write after I finish writing my series.  So for now, I'm painting a book I want to write, eventually, and I'm writing some books, and painting another book.
Oh right, you want to know what I mean by "painting a book".  Simply put, I'm painting a canvas to look just like a book.  It looks like a leather-bound tome, so far, with old, stained pages on the sides.  I'm thinking of embellishing it with latches and bindings to make it look authentic.
I painted a book before -- I did Don Quijote... Yes, I know Quixote is spelled with an 'X' in most cases, but it was originally Spanish and was spelled with the silent J -- El ingenioso hidalgo don Quijote de la Mancha.  And it turned out quite good; so much so that a friend of mine is paying me to paint another one.  Cool.
Oh, a picture?  you wanna see a picture?  Okay, I'll show you the Don Quijote one:
Don Quijote: The Book: The Painting
I suppose it isn't the easiest to see the pages painted down the sides; for one, the lighting hides most of it, and secondly, the pages go down the hidden side of the canvas... duh!

˙˙˙ɟo ǝsɐɔ ǝƃuɐɹʇs,, ɐ op oʇ ǝɯ pǝʞsɐ puǝıɹɟ ʎɯ

Sorry... Accident.

My friend asked me to do a "Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde".  I'm not really sure why she chose that particular story, nor am I sure if she's ever read it.  I have it, but I haven't read it.  Should I?  It isn't that long.  It's like, a short story... or a novella (maybe).  You wanna see a picture of that one too?  Well it ain't finished yet, so you can't!  Pthzhzhzhz!

I think that -- to make the noise you make when you stick out your tongue at someone and it vibrates -- phonetically it should be spelled "pthzhzhzhz".  Know what I mean?  You don't know what I mean...
Okay, this is what I mean:

You see what I mean?  How, as a writer, am I supposed to express that kind of sound on paper otherwise?

So, I was talking with some friends the other night about certain expressions we as Canadians use that might seem ridiculous to those from, say, Europe.  One of the friends is from New Zealand (near Europe) (wait, no... New Zealand is nowhere near... but it doesn't matter, because she's been to Europe and she says that 9 out of 10 Europeans agree that Canadians, and sometimes North Americans, have weird phrases and expressions).  Well, we all know that "eh" is Canadian, eh.  And, for the most part, the younger we are, the more likely it is that we'll use the word "like" in a sentence.  Like, all of the time.  Those ones aren't so uncommon.  I, like, hear it all the time.
But...  did you know that we tend to say the word "actually" a lot?  Actually, when it comes to discussing, like, pretty much anything, we don't need to tell people how it actually is, because we shouldn't assume in the first place that the person we are talking to has, like, some sort of distorted sense of things where we have to say... "Actually, you're right about that!  It's actually supposed to rain tomorrow."  It would imply that they believed that they had no idea they were right, or that it was going to rain.
Actually, my professor used to use actually a lot.  Like, all the time.  Actually, she used the word "ultimately" so often that I started keeping track in my notebook.  She would always say things like, "According to Baumeister," yes, Baumeister is a real person... kick-ass name!  "According to Baumeister, the self is divided into three parts, so ultimately, there can be many "selves" within oneself."  It actually drove me made to hear her say "ultimately", like, in every sentence, eh?!!?
Speaking of which... should there be a question mark at the end of a sentence ending with "eh"?  Like, is "eh" a confirmatory response, meaning that a question was implied?  "So, like, I totally ate three Tim Horton's fritters, eh?"
"So, like, I totally ate three Tim Horton's fritters.  Eh?"
Maybe "eh" is a word that should be all on its own.  It's like a hiccup or something.
Here's a weird one, eh...?....  My English friend told me that the thing that pisses her off the most -- when it comes to stupid Canadian phrases -- is "That's funny".  She says, "why say 'that's funny' when clearly it is!?!"  I guess that makes sense, because ultimately, if something is funny than we are already laughing, and we no longer need to state the obvious.  Or, if we had to say "that's funny" in lue of laughing, then maybe it wasn't actually that funny.  Okay, that last "actually" came in by accident.  I didn't try to throw that one in, meaning that the word is actually embedded into my normal speech-thought patterns.  Anyway, to my friend, saying "that's funny" is the stupidest thing in the word; imagine stating what everything is, as if people are stupid:

A car drives by on the highway, and you say, "that's fast".
Your boss tells you to file away the Edwards case, and you say, "that's an order coming from my boss".
You're at a funeral and people start to cry, and you say, "that's sad".
You're running from a guy in a hockey mask, holding a butcher's knife, and you say, "that's scary"...
No shit!  Thanks Admiral Obvious!  (I know the expression is "Thank you Captain Obvious, but actually, he got promoted, so Pthzhzhzhz!!!).  So, like, why do we say, "that's funny" at times when something clearly is funny, eh?  'Cause, ultimately we shouldn't have to say it out loud if we're actually already laughing, right?

That's funny!