The Messy Mind of J'rod

I've Been HackEd!!!

2011-11-28T20:44:00.001-05:00

November 12, 2011

So... someone or something got into my website and started to mess around. Now, Google is telling me (and just about everyone else) that my website contains malicious software that could ruin their computer. DAMMIT!!!!

So, my friend Lizz Armstrong, who is the behind-the-scenes back-end administrator, had to wipe my site. Thus, no pictures for now and no crazy gadgets. Is it all worth saving?

Success! ...in my dream.

2011-11-28T20:43:00.001-05:00

September 24, 2011
I don't know if you've read this far back, but a few years ago I wrote about not being able to take a proper dump in my dreams (see this link). I'd always have issues with gross toilets, or they were too high, or whatever. But guess what? SUCCESS!!!! Last night I successfully took a crap in my dream. Mind you, I had to go again right after and I couldn't finish, but the toilet was clean and accessible, and the only thing stopping me was that the owner of the toilet came home and I had to leave. I'd tell you more, because I'm sure that you're so interested to hear the rest of my crazy dream about acting and dancing and soccer with a rugby ball and camp counselling and Mister Schuester from Glee and JJ Enriquez and $30,000 worth of debt due to used book purchasing and Karate and sleeping in someone else's bed... but I just don't have the time to write it all down.

A Midsummer Night's Play

2011-11-28T20:41:00.001-05:00

September 21, 2011

I've been busy.That's right, BUSY.I took last week off of work to perform in A Midsummer Night's Dream with UC Follies at the University of Toronto. I was Tom Snout, the Tinker... performing "Wall" in the play-within-the-play. I also played an Athenian and a fairy. Here's what'cha missed:

Against the traditional script, we began AMSND (A Midsummer... you get the acronym) with a battle between the Athenians and the Amazons. Shak, our director and Queen Titania (A.K.A. Big Tit) decided that some backstory was needed to show how Duke Theseus conquered the Amazons and took Hippolyta as his bride. ENTER LOUISA ZHU, fight choreographer.

We do some Matrix-style moves as we "duke" it out, leaving Theseus and Hippo to finally compete. THe dudes win, the chicks lose, and thus our play begins.

Stuff happens, I'm backstage (a la tent outside, because it was Shakespeare in the park, after all), Helena is drunk, Demetrius is surly, I must change into my "mechanicals" garb... and here comes my cue. HELENA: For ere Demetrius looked onto Hermia's eyne / He hailed down oaths that he was only mine... blah blah, chatter chatter, and here we go:

ACT 1 SCENE 2QUINCE: Is all our company here?(Oh right, the director gave me Bottom's first three lines, because he decided that Bottom would be played by a woman who is trying to pretend she is a man so that she can be in the play. Lauren Goodman is playing the person playing Nick Bottom, who will play Pyramus in this play within a play. To show this we must have an "original" Nick Bottom, who {when we are distracted} is knocked out and dragged away. Lauren then puts on his hat and robe and pretends to be BOTTOM, thus, her/his first few lines are mine... YOU FOLLOW???!!!?? I think I lost me after the first sentence)

SNOUT: (sneering and belittling Quince) You were best to call them generally, man by man, according to the scrip.QUINCE: Line line line... wedding day at night.SNOUT: First, Good Peter Quince, say what the play treats on, then read the names of the actors and so grow to a point.QUINCE: Marry, pissed off lines, something about a play, and...SNOUT: A very good piece of work I assure you, and a merry. Now, good Peter Quince, call forth your actors by the scroll. (And don't finish that line, the director cut it out because we are already sitting)More stuff is said, my line "Here Peter Quince" is cut off by Quince (who is actually also played by a woman - Liz - but is supposed to play it like a man, unlike Lauren, who is supposed to play Bottom as a woman who pretends to be a man) because he doesn't want me to talk anymore. More lines, and more, and more... we all say, "That would hang us, every mother's son!", which, in rehearsal we all said, "that would hang us, every motherfucker!"... more stuff about who should play what, and and and... the last line is given to me:SNOUT: Enough! Hold or cut bowstrings! (basically, "keep your word or give it up" or "just do it or don't bother)

Quick change... I'm a fairy in a mask and I play the drum. did I give myself a name? You bet'cha! The fairies are all named things like Peaseblossom, and Mustardseed, and Moth, and Cobweb. So, in AMSND tradition, my character's name was Cowpie. Okay, okay, so that was totally made up just now, and the only reason I'm telling you that is because something funnier than an elf named after turd came up in my research for a good name. Check it out: Thesaurus.com gives the following synonyms for "dung": cow pies, cowplop, crap, dung, feces, fertilizer, guano, manure, meadow muffin, night soil, ordure. CAN WE GO BACK TO "MEADOW MUFFIN"???!!! LSHIBAMF!!!!! Who uses the term "meadow muffin"? Well... this guy, from now on!

One more digression and then I'll get back to the play. I just felt that I had to explain Le She Bamf to you before we continue forth (LSHIBAMF). So there is LOL, "laugh out loud", or to most parents who don't know the lingo, but try hard to be cool, "lot's of love". There is LMAO, laugh my ass off; LMFAO, though also the name of a pop group that came out with the best hit of 2011, Party Rock Anthem (you have to see it with the video), also stands for "laugh my fucking ass off". ROFL means "roll on the floor laughing", and so I thought to add to the ridiculous and establish LSHIBAMF, "laughed so hard I broke all my furniture". It works, think about it.

So fairy... I enter with Queen Titania, the Big Tit, playing my drum. I sit, then stand, then sit again, then there are some words I don't understand, and then I stand again. Then I play the drum and leave with Big Tit. At some point in the speech between King Oberon and Queen Titania, Bruce, who plays Oberon says, "Tarry, rash wanton; am not I thy lord?" The first time he read that he said "wonton" instead of "wanton". I shit myself, then LSHIBAMF. I guess that calls for a new acronym: ISMTLSHIBAMF!

I become Snout again, and I wait for like, 15 minutes. ACT 3 SCENE 1:SNOUT: Are we all met? (the line was given to me, originally Bottom's)QUINCE: Yakkity-Yak.BOTTOM: Don't talk back.QUINCE: More stuff to say.BOTTOM: I think there is a problem with this play.(My line is given to SNUG the Joiner, and STARVELING's line is given to me. Ahem!)SNOUT: I believe we must leave the killing out, when all is done.(I had notes written in my script like "terrorized" and "nervous", because I was to originally play the character like a fraidy-cat. Director Shak helped me to develop Snout as the pompous asshole that he is instead)Line for Bottom, then Quince, then Bottom...SNOUT: Will not the ladies be afeared of the lion?Snug, Bottom talk...SNOT: Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion.(I left out the "u" on purpose)Bottom, Quince (who is getting pissed at me)...SNOUT: Doth the moon shine that night we play our play?BOTTOM: A calendar, a calendar! Look to the almanac; find out moonshine, find out moonshine.(I love that line, dunno why)More stuff is said, mostly between Quince, who is played by a woman being a man, and Bottom, who is played by a woman, being a woman who is playing a man.SNOUT: You can never bring in a wall. What say you Bottom?More talk, and then Nick Bottom grows an ASS-HEAD! I get scared and say:SNOUT: O Bottom, thou art changed! what do I see on thee?[EXIT ME]

There is a short break, and then INTERMISSION.I'm Cowpie the fairy again, until Oberon gets mad at Puck for dousing the wrong Athenian with the love potion petal... then we run away. We were just filler anyway.Then I have like... 45 minutes before I have to return to the stage as SNOUT. Should've brought my iPod.

ACT 4 SCENE 2:Stuff is said, I enter and say what Snug once said:SNOUT: Masters, the duke is coming from the temple and there are two or three lords and ladies more married. If our sport had gone forward we would all be made men.(Not an easy line to remember, what with all the two's or three's, and lords and ladies and such. But, I found it harder to remember my first three fucking lines!!! {to see fucking lines, return to top}).[Exit Me, Again]And... here comes the last scene -- the one we'e all been waiting for: The Play Within The Play! (You gotta check out the link, it's THE BEATLES doing the play within the play)I was instructed to say my line as though I had just done some crazy pills. Just keep moving and running around, was what the director said. I did it different every time. Sometimes I did the Charleston, sometimes I clicked my heels together in the air as I said "chink"; sometimes I did the Party Rock Anthem Shuffle, and on the last night I did the Macarena.SNOUT:In this same interlude it doth befall,That I, one Snout by name, present a wall.And such a wall as I would have you think,That had in it a crannied hole, or chinkThrough which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisbydid whisper, often very secretly.This loam, this roughcast, and this stone doth showThat I am that same wall, the truth is so,And this the cranny is, right and sinister,Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.

Stuff is said, Bottom accidentally punches me in the junk (the balls, the genitals, the gonads, the nuts, the private parts, the stones, the reproductive organs, the crotch, the testicles, the twig and berries, the mutton dagger, the muffin dagger, the wazoo, the pee-pee, the helmet warrior, the wood, the fishing rod, the tallywhacker, the ding dong, the pocket rocket, the Johnson, the mini me, the cock and balls, the third leg, Greg) and I scream like a girl. The chink, which was once represented by my finger and thumb in the air beside me, is now firm near my junk (the balls, the genitals, the... thank you Thesaurus.com!!!). Pyramus, played by Bottom, played by the girl pretending to be Bottom, played by Lauren, must talk through my groin area (I left that one out of the synonym list to be used later, which is now) whilst Thisby, played by Francis Flute, played by Marco, must listen and reply through my ass-end. This goes on for a while, while I must stand firm, holding my crotch in apparent pain.

THIS IS MY WEAKEST MOMENT IN THE PLAY... I BROKE CHARACTER TWICE OUT OF THREE PERFORMANCES AT THIS PART... never mind the fact that Demetrius, played by Nick said "It is the whittiest partition that ever did the Macarena, my lord," which nearly had me in tears, rather than saying his line, "It is the whittiest partition that ever I heard discourse, my lord."... Now, Thisby (played by Flute --> Marco) must kiss Pyramus (played by Bottom --> girl pretending to be Bottom --> Lauren) through my groin area. They try, and then Thisby says, "I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all." Thus ends my attempts to save face and not laugh while on stage.Finally, I say my final line.SNOUT: Thus have I, Wall, my part dischargéd so, and, being done, thus wall away doth go.Then I fall and pass out. I am carried offstage so that I may come out once more for the triple wedding ceremony, and thus ends the play.

Oh yeah, I should have said this earlier: SPOILER ALERT!!!

I'm a Writer, Not a Reader

2011-11-28T20:39:00.001-05:00

August 22, 2011

I'm a writer, not a reader. Maybe I'm a bibliophile. I have collected a number of books over the past few months that are just sitting on my shelf, waiting to be read; however, my lifestyle doesn't exactly allow time for reading. Before I go to bed? Forget it. I'm either too tired or too wired to read. Chances are I'll just play a game on my iPod until I fall asleep if I'm still awake. What about the daytime? Nope… I spend those precious moments writing my book, or my blog, or my play, or updating The Cookie Challenge.

But I WANT to read the books… that's why I bought 'em. I'm a quarter through Onward: The Starbucks Biography, a third through American Gods, but frankly, I'm losing interest, and I have a whole bunch of other books that I haven't even started yet. There's Bram Stoker's Dracula, and End Game (A chess murder mystery novel), The Arcanum (a horror book that sounds cool), the Necronomicon, which I don't really want to read, but it looked interesting nonetheless. Plus, I never got through Roverandom, but it wasn't that good anyway, and I'd like to re-read the Harry Potter series, as well as Lord of the Rings.

Whatever, if it isn't for school, than it's leisure reading, and sometimes you can only do so much leisure.

gryffindor!

2011-11-28T20:37:00.003-05:00

August 15, 2011
Well that's it I guess... I finally saw the last Harry Potter, and after reading the books and watching the movies, I gotta say...

Genius! So much legend and lore, so many twists and turns, so much to think about! How did you get it all down before writing your books Rowling? How did you think up such epic tales? The way that it began as an innocent little fantasy story, and at some point became this dark, larger than life story that sucked the protagonist right in without his consent, it was so well thought out! And the Horcruxes and Hallows, and the **secret** twist at the end... Well done!

Now, I've been writing my four-novel story for quite some time now, and it certainly is as in depth as Harry Potter and the Lord of The Rings... but I'm not so sure it has much lore and legend embedded into it. It certainly has some twists and surprises, but I don't think I can write quite like J.R.R. Rowling can.

I'm trying to start reading again. I have a few books on my night stand that have been sitting there for a while. I want to read them, but a few things keep getting in the way:

During the day I'd rather write than read, and at night I'd rather play with my iPod than read. And no... I can't read books through the iPod: too small!

OH!!! By the way... check out TheCookieChallenge this week to see the first LAUGH CHALLENGE!

A Snippet From My Past

2011-11-28T20:37:00.001-05:00

August 11, 2011

I found a post that wasn't published publicly, written on February 18, 2007. Went like this:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

...I saw Thao today getting on the bus I was supposed to. I panicked and darted out of the way before she could see me, and walked instead. I guess I just couldn't handle the emotions that were suddenly swarming back as though no time had passed. I wish things were easier... I wish I didn't still love her. I wish that my love faded over time, but in truth it grew stronger. So much so that I had to thoroughly convince myself that I did not in fact love her at all. So much for that plan.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's interesting when you find little tidbits of your past.

Grossatating

2011-11-28T20:36:00.001-05:00

August 4, 2011

Did you ever use the word "grossatating" when you were a kid? I totally forgot about the word... the non-word. I wonder if sickatating is even a... nope. It comes up as a spelling mistake on my browser's spell-check. Red dotted underline means that sickatating and grossatating are not words. Well then, spell-check, what do you recommend?sickatating = did you mean squatting?grossatating = did you mean... guesses not found. That is: No effing clue as to what grossitating means.

Side note about spell-check... I dunno if this has to do with Mac Lion, or just the way the internet is going these days, but now there is an autocorrect feature that seems to want to fix my writing and place a dotted blue underline under the words it fixed. I don't like it. Don't assume that you know what I'm talking about! I never assume that my readers know what I'm talking about, so duck-off autocorrect!!!

By the way, I invented the word "ridorkulous", because too many people say the words "ridonkulous" and "ricockulous". I actually invented it before ricockulous came out, but after ridonkulous surfaced. Ricockulous makes the most sense, I suppose, because we're replacing dick with cock in the original word "ridiculous", but I feel that only dorks would use such terms, hence "ridorkulous".

I'm going to invent a word right now....

Figgis

What do you think it means?

Rebirth of a Blog: Notimmortal.ca

2011-08-05T12:48:00.000-05:00

I think that it is time to start saying goodbye to the old, and hello to the new.

That's right... J'rod's Messy Mind is moving to....

notimmortal.ca

Forget the dot-blogspot teenager that was Jared's place for superheroes, beer, art, and dreams... the growing teenager is in it's twenties now -- twenty-eleven to be exact -- and it needs room to grow. With its own domain name, and some updated code, The Messy Mind of Jared David is the newer, cleaner version of notimmortal.blogspot.ca.

The Good:

- A domain name without a parent company attached to it.

- A cleaner, easier interface.

- Do more, such as adding the Facebook "like" button.

The Bad:

- The Science of Superheroes, Lucid Dreaming, My Art, and Booze Bros Light are now amalgamated into the original blog, but are still separated by category. This means that they are not listed on separate pages unless the reader specifically goes to that category. Not such a bad thing, and I'm looking into finding a non-stressful way of changing it.

- Goodbye HTML, Hello CSS... I have no idea what I'm doing with this code. Thus, the cool little do-dads that once existed (The button bar that follows you, and the moving guitars) are gone... for now.

So check out the new site! Bookmark it or subscribe, and say your goodbye's to notimmortal.blogspot.com.

I'll still have the site up for quite a while, but new posts will be placed in the Wordpress-driven notimmortal.ca.

Happy Birthday Brianne Perez and Harrison Ford

2011-07-31T10:59:00.001-05:00

Today is an important day {Posted July 13th} !!! Okay, well I guess none of you know who Harrison Ford is; what kind of a name is that anyway? But, all of you know Brianne, and it's time to celebrate her birfday!!!! I've already celebrated it... no, not by seeing Harry Potter, I went to The Keg and ate surf'n'turf on Perez Day!!!

- Spicy Caesar, extra bean

- Escargot

- Innis & Gunn beer

- Top Sirloin, Mashed, Veg, Half a Lobster

- Liquid Coccaine

- coffee

Aww man was it ever delicious!!!!

Speaking of delicious... Milestones hosted a Kitchen Competition, where -- iron chef style -- a secret ingredient was chosen, and had to be used by all contestants in 3 dishes. I WAS A JUDGE. I ate a lot.

And the secret ingredient was....

DUCK!

Oh boy! We ate deep fried duck, asparagus-stuffed duck, duck pancake wraps, duck pate, duck-kisses in brandy sauce, caramel and duck-skin kettle corn, duck funnel cake... yeah, weird, eh?

But, they came up with all of these inventions in 15 minutes, and made them all within an hour!!!! And most of them were REALLY TASTY!!!

I mean, they were succulent, and spicy, and... and... how did I move off topic from Brianne's birfday?

Happy birthday, Brianne!!! I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you get cake, and steak, and duck, and delicious food.....

mmmmmmmmmmmm..... delicious fooooood.

Pthzhzhzhz and eh?

2011-06-26T12:00:00.001-05:00

I'm painting a book. No I'm not writing a book... well, yes I'm writing a book too, but I'm also painting a book. actually two; I'm painting two books, and one of them is called The Book of Gildus. It is the name of one of the books I want to eventually write after I finish writing my series. So for now, I'm painting a book I want to write, eventually, and I'm writing some books, and painting another book.

Oh right, you want to know what I mean by "painting a book". Simply put, I'm painting a canvas to look just like a book. It looks like a leather-bound tome, so far, with old, stained pages on the sides. I'm thinking of embellishing it with latches and bindings to make it look authentic.

I painted a book before -- I did Don Quijote... Yes, I know Quixote is spelled with an 'X' in most cases, but it was originally Spanish and was spelled with the silent J -- El ingenioso hidalgo don Quijote de la Mancha. And it turned out quite good; so much so that a friend of mine is paying me to paint another one. Cool.

Oh, a picture? you wanna see a picture? Okay, I'll show you the Don Quijote one:

Don Quijote: The Book: The Painting

I suppose it isn't the easiest to see the pages painted down the sides; for one, the lighting hides most of it, and secondly, the pages go down the hidden side of the canvas... duh!

˙˙˙ɟo ǝsɐɔ ǝƃuɐɹʇs,, ɐ op oʇ ǝɯ pǝʞsɐ puǝıɹɟ ʎɯ

Sorry... Accident.

My friend asked me to do a "Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde". I'm not really sure why she chose that particular story, nor am I sure if she's ever read it. I have it, but I haven't read it. Should I? It isn't that long. It's like, a short story... or a novella (maybe). You wanna see a picture of that one too? Well it ain't finished yet, so you can't! Pthzhzhzhz!

I think that -- to make the noise you make when you stick out your tongue at someone and it vibrates -- phonetically it should be spelled "pthzhzhzhz". Know what I mean? You don't know what I mean...

Okay, this is what I mean:

You see what I mean? How, as a writer, am I supposed to express that kind of sound on paper otherwise?

So, I was talking with some friends the other night about certain expressions we as Canadians use that might seem ridiculous to those from, say, Europe. One of the friends is from New Zealand (near Europe) (wait, no... New Zealand is nowhere near... but it doesn't matter, because she's been to Europe and she says that 9 out of 10 Europeans agree that Canadians, and sometimes North Americans, have weird phrases and expressions). Well, we all know that "eh" is Canadian, eh. And, for the most part, the younger we are, the more likely it is that we'll use the word "like" in a sentence. Like, all of the time. Those ones aren't so uncommon. I, like, hear it all the time.

But... did you know that we tend to say the word "actually" a lot? Actually, when it comes to discussing, like, pretty much anything, we don't need to tell people how it actually is, because we shouldn't assume in the first place that the person we are talking to has, like, some sort of distorted sense of things where we have to say... "Actually, you're right about that! It's actually supposed to rain tomorrow." It would imply that they believed that they had no idea they were right, or that it was going to rain.

Actually, my professor used to use actually a lot. Like, all the time. Actually, she used the word "ultimately" so often that I started keeping track in my notebook. She would always say things like, "According to Baumeister," yes, Baumeister is a real person... kick-ass name! "According to Baumeister, the self is divided into three parts, so ultimately, there can be many "selves" within oneself." It actually drove me made to hear her say "ultimately", like, in every sentence, eh?!!?

Speaking of which... should there be a question mark at the end of a sentence ending with "eh"? Like, is "eh" a confirmatory response, meaning that a question was implied? "So, like, I totally ate three Tim Horton's fritters, eh?"

"So, like, I totally ate three Tim Horton's fritters. Eh?"

Maybe "eh" is a word that should be all on its own. It's like a hiccup or something.

Here's a weird one, eh...?.... My English friend told me that the thing that pisses her off the most -- when it comes to stupid Canadian phrases -- is "That's funny". She says, "why say 'that's funny' when clearly it is!?!" I guess that makes sense, because ultimately, if something is funny than we are already laughing, and we no longer need to state the obvious. Or, if we had to say "that's funny" in lue of laughing, then maybe it wasn't actually that funny. Okay, that last "actually" came in by accident. I didn't try to throw that one in, meaning that the word is actually embedded into my normal speech-thought patterns. Anyway, to my friend, saying "that's funny" is the stupidest thing in the word; imagine stating what everything is, as if people are stupid:

A car drives by on the highway, and you say, "that's fast".

Your boss tells you to file away the Edwards case, and you say, "that's an order coming from my boss".

You're at a funeral and people start to cry, and you say, "that's sad".

You're running from a guy in a hockey mask, holding a butcher's knife, and you say, "that's scary"...

No shit! Thanks Admiral Obvious! (I know the expression is "Thank you Captain Obvious, but actually, he got promoted, so Pthzhzhzhz!!!). So, like, why do we say, "that's funny" at times when something clearly is funny, eh? 'Cause, ultimately we shouldn't have to say it out loud if we're actually already laughing, right?

That's funny!

Fun With Words!

2011-05-11T11:58:00.000-05:00

Finally! Some good weather and some time to write!
I've been going over my first two books, frantically editing them and re-familiarizing myself with the details so that I can hop right on the train again (where I left off in the middle of book three). I'm so excited to write that I'm... I'm....
...without words, aww shit! That isn't a good sign. Quick! Where's my thesaurus?!!??? Oh yeah, check out this cool website I found: COOL WEBSITE. It's fun with words!!!!

The Alchemyst: the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel

2011-04-05T16:58:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading The Alchemyst, and... don't judge the book by its pretty cover. I don't know what it is about the book that I don't like. Is it the fact that it (and its sequels) don't have satisfying conclusions? Can it be the fact that I've found a few grammatical errors in the text? Maybe the writing appears a bit childish for me. Or maybe... maybe it's because the writing is very similar to my own, and I'm offended as to how it turned out in my eyes.

I suppose it shouldn't bother me that much. After all, it is an adolescent book that tries to tie in all of the worldly events and historical characters into one big "magic conspiracy". I guess I felt that there was so much potential that wasn't applied. I read the last chapter and (no spoiler alert, don't worry) I know EXACTLY how I would've ended it to make it a better novel. The ending wasn't what bothered me so much. What bothered me was that it felt so... so... Disney. I pictured the character of Dr. John Dee looking exactly like Alfred Molina (Horvath) did in The Sorcerer's Apprentice. I found the story to be too contrived -- even for a fantasy/fiction novel -- and the plot development was amateur. But, what do I know? I'm not even published yet.

So... why, you may ask, did I pick up the book in the first place? Well, the cover was pretty. I told you that already. Plus, the little blurb on the back held a lot of promise.

One thing is certain: I'm not willing to lend my time to another 6+ books written the same way... is the series supposed to end?

Here We Are, Again

2011-03-16T14:09:00.002-05:00

I've written a new song. It's amazing how I can so quickly come up with a chord progression, accompanied by lyrics on some days, while most of the time I struggle to compose anything decent. It's like the fates decide when the appropriate time to write a song should be, and what it'll be about.

This one -- Here We Are, Again -- is about two people winding back up in the same place they started, even if the both of them don't desire to be there. Sometimes people and relationships just cycle through experiences, and then recycle them, yet, it is the perspective we take on the recycled experience that will shape our next encounters with them. In the first verse, the singer admits that he/she is only thinking about the present, while the significant other is thinking about how the event will affect the future... again. By the last verse, the roles have somewhat reversed, where the significant other has taken the recycled event as just another one of many; it is no different from any in the past, nor in the future.

The song has a slightly cynical tone to it, but it is counteracted, or perhaps complemented with a poppy feel to it. I enjoy the dissonance that arises from a song that sounds happy but has a rather destructive message to it... perhaps that is why the Barenaked Ladies influence my music so much (Take their song "Too Little Too Late" for instance: It is fun and pop sounding, but the lyrics suggest a relationship where the singer isn't learning from his experiences, and is subject to the same problems over and over again).

The song needs a bit of tweaking... I haven't established much of a bridge yet, and I suppose I should be perfecting my other songs before writing new ones. "When She" is pretty much finished, but it naturally falls out of my vocal range (as does "Makes No Sense"), and I'd like to find a proper way to sing it, if I can.

I Brush...

2011-03-03T20:39:00.003-05:00

There's nothing wrong with your television set...

2011-02-25T01:00:00.001-05:00

¡¡¡¡ʎzzɐʍɔ ǝɥs .ʇno ʇı ʞɔǝɥɔ .ɹoɟ uoʇʇnq ʞuıן ɐ pǝppɐ ı ɥɔıɥʍ 'ƃoןq uʍo ɹǝɥ ƃuıʞɐɯ oʇ uo ʇuǝʍ ǝɥs 'ʇɐɥʇ ɹǝʇɟɐ .uıʇsǝp ʎq uǝʇʇıɹʍ ʎɹʇuǝ pɹıǝʍ ʎzɐɹɔ ʇɐɥʇ ɹoɟ uıɐƃɐ ǝɔuo 'ʎɹɹos puɐ 'ɥɐǝʎ ɥo

.ʍǝıʌǝɹ ǝɥʇ ʇno ʞɔǝɥɔ ...ןןǝʍ 'puɐ ɹǝǝq ʇnoʇs-ossǝɹdsǝ uɐ pǝıɹʇ ı .ƃoןq ʇɥƃıן soɹq ǝzooq ǝɥʇ pǝʇɐpdn osןɐ ǝʌ,ı

¡ǝɯıʇ ʎuɐ ʇɐ ʇı ǝsoןɔ ןןıʇs uɐɔ noʎ 'ʇı ǝʞıן ʇ,uop oɥʍ noʎ ɟo ǝsoɥʇ ɹoɟ puɐ 'ɹǝʇʇǝq ʎɐʍ sʞooן .ʇdıɹɔs ǝǝnbɹɐɯ ƃuıʇɐoןɟ ǝɥʇ oʇuı ʇı pǝppǝqɯǝ puɐ 'xoq ǝɹnʇɔıd ƃuıןןoɹɔs ɐ ɹoɟ ʇdıɹɔs ɐ ʇuoɟ ı os .ǝƃɐd ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ǝǝs oʇ pǝʇuɐʍ ı ǝɯıʇ ɥɔɐǝ doʇ ǝɥʇ oʇ ʞɔɐq ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ ןןɐ ןןoɹɔs oʇ ƃuıʌɐɥ uɐɥʇ ɹǝɥʇɐɹ 'puɐɥ ʇɐ ɹɐqןooʇ ǝɥʇ ƃuıʌɐɥ ɟo ǝɔuǝıuǝʌuoɔ ǝɥʇ ǝʞıן ı ǝsnɐɔǝq 'ʎןǝɹıʇuǝ ʇı ɟo pıɹ ʇǝƃ oʇ ʇuɐʍ 'ɹǝʌǝʍoɥ 'ʇ,upıp ı .ןןǝʍ sɐ ʇı ʎq pǝʎouuɐ ƃuıʇʇǝƃ ǝɹǝʍ sɹǝɥʇo ʇɐɥʇ pǝzıןɐǝɹ ı puɐ 'ǝɯ ɹoɟ ƃuıʎouuɐ ʎןןɐǝɹ ƃuıʇʇǝƃ sɐʍ ɹɐqןןoɹɔs ǝɥʇ .uıɐƃɐ ƃoןq ʎɯ ɥʇıʍ punoɹɐ ssǝɯ oʇ pǝpıɔǝp ı

2011-02-20T00:20:00.000-05:00

.ʇxǝʇ ɐ ʇsnɾ sı sıɥʇ

inhibitions only get in my way

2011-02-18T01:20:00.003-05:00

I squeezed a lemon today, just to test for firmness. My alabaster skin glistened as the juice poured down my face. It stung as it flowed through my eyeballs and down my cheeks like sour tears of ... lemon. I asked Steve if he's ever made love to a woman. He described the most unusual sexual experience I could imagine.

Have you ever performed a spin so spectacularly that you thought you could join the ballet?

I dropped two coffee beans in my mug of Proof Scotch. I thought the beans would counteract the effect alcohol would have on my ability to keep thoughts to myself. Instead it did quite the opposite. I told a wide-hipped woman that she ought to turn sideways when coming down the escalator. The result was less eventful than I would have you assume.

Shakespeare? More like Shagspeare.

My father was a glover, my mother was a glover, my brother was a glover. Me, I suture wounds for a living.

Sometimes I cover my entire body with temporary tattoos to remind myself that my life is almost over. Sometimes my girlfriend covers my shoulders with hickies to remind me that love is a heavy burden to carry.

I built a time machine today to travel back to yesterday. I needed to tell my past self to brush my teeth before I went to bed. Cavities can creep up on you if you're not careful.

Love Destin

The Things That Have Happened Since November...

2011-01-18T12:07:00.003-05:00

As you know I failed my driver's license, doing a 70 in a 50 zone, so a month later I went back to do my test and did 50 in that same zone, but it changed to 70 and I didn't speed up; luckily the instructor was in a good mood and simply told me that I might want to get to the correct speed limit, and as I did I hopped on the highway, off again, and completed my test... that's right I passed; that was at the end of the month, and as December came along I soon became swamped with tests, exams, 20 page essays, work shifts, and other things I had to get done -- laundry for one -- it was going to be a busy month, I knew, what with my final in Cognitive Psychopathology coming up on Tuesday, followed by two more exams in the coming weeks (that seemed to stretch out through all of December)... Plus I was going through a crazy, ridiculous, but maybe necessary mental breakdown that stressed me out more than I had ever been before; though, it left me much better than I was -- plus Christmas was approaching, and I had to make cards and buy presents, I wanted to get a card done and shipped to Bergamo, Italy before Christmas came so that Leah could have it (she got married this month too, which is unbelievable, and amazing), and with all this stress and craziness, I was losing sleep -- a lot of it, and I was going insane... but it truly felt like a time of change for me, like I was cocooning to become something different, and maybe I had after all of it, I think I'm beginning to finally realize which paths I'm supposed to take in life, and which ones I'm not supposed to take... but anyway, January hit, and I began classes once more, as well as acting: Yes, I'm in a musical again (the director of West Side Story asked me to come aboard his new project because they had a lot of drop-outs and sicknesses, and needed more people -- I barely had to audition); the musical is called Threepenny Opera and it's potentially the most boring and dated musical I have ever heard of -- yet, the directors and choreographers are doing a fine job at making it more interesting and easy to watch, unfortunately the music itself isn't very catchy... at least I'm getting back into shape; I feel great when my muscles ache for the next two days (there's a hint of sarcasm in that statement, but paradoxically enough, it is mostly true), meanwhile, my bosses at work want to groom me for a promotion of sorts: they want me to become a shift leader at work, which means better sections, meaning better money, but also meaning longer hours, which is fine with me anyway -- oh yeah, and that Orange Challenge thing I posted a while back (not to digress, but you might have noticed that I've purposely created these insane digressions and run-on sentences throughout this entire blog), well at work Tenille and I put together "The Cookie Challenge": {Can you eat one of Milestones' "The Cookie" dessert in under two minutes?} is the main question, not that that is hard to do at all, but we wanted to see who could get the best time, and it turns out... well, you'll have to watch the video when it comes out, but in the meantime I've created a teaser video that can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOOmG_NvkcE <-- you'll have to tell me what you think of it; we're scheduled to finish editing the final movie this Thursday... and during this entire debacle of a month (and a half) I somehow found time to produce the third final draft of my musical "One Week"; today I'm going to speak to someone about the ways in which I might go about to produce and publish it, I hope I can make it happen... meanwhile, I'm taking my two final classes at UofT before graduating: Law & Psychology and Effective Writing (the latter taught me to free-write without stopping to see what I can produce, which might explain the way this particular blog has been set up {although, technically this kind of technique is called "ink-shedding" because I'm making it public}), effective writing is a bird course for me that will fill out my credits, and give me a little break from the extremely difficult semester I had last term, while Law & Psychology is intellectually stimulating as it borders on a new field I had never considered before: the law, which I am finding more and more interesting these days... man, I just want to finish my four-book epic so that I can move on to other projects -- Brianne had a dream the other day that was so vivid and amazing that she wanted to write a story about it; I told her to do it, and I even helped her out with the structure and synopsis a little... it sounds like a great story, and I only wish I had time to write it, but I also want to encourage her to write as well... well, that seems like the month in a nutshell, although I did purposely leave out a number of things, like our work-staff party that was a crazy night, or the time I broke down and bought my first pack of cigarettes, only to throw them out after having four of them, or how I was dating this amazing girl who probably contributed to most of my stress by the end of it, or how I -- myself -- have been having crazy, messed up dreams, and I didn't even discuss what I did during the new year, or how I've been trying to perfect some of my songs on guitar and jamming a lot with this friend of mine, Cory, and how he does an amazing job making everything sound better, or how I've been watching shows like mad -- like How I Met Your Mother, and Californication, and Castle, and Kenny versus Spenny, and The Defenders, and No Ordinary Family, and this new one with Matt LeBlanc called Episodes, plus I've watched Momento and The Town, and you know what... let's just say a shit-ton of movies, all in the name of stress-relief and winding down from all the school work... I even started playing video games again -- something I hadn't done on my own for many years now.

I suppose that'll do. I've just been itching to write.

Destin's Challenge

2010-11-24T18:17:00.001-05:00

This was my first attempt at Final Cut Express...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ7G-xW5Lnc

Check it out!!!

2010-11-03T20:17:00.004-05:00

70 in a 50?!? Dammit!

I went for my G-License today and when I turned onto a major road from a subdivision, I went with the flow of traffic... no sign = 50kph.

Next try... 75 more dollars... 29th November = PASS!?! :)

----

I just had pudding.

I mean, I just ate pudding...

Not that I owned it and got rid of it. I actually ate it.

So, in a sense I do own it and will soon get rid of it. So I guess I have pudding.

----

Pumpkin Time!!! Almond Milk.

2010-10-07T23:52:00.006-05:00

Hey, I just noticed the happy face in the mushroom cloud from the previous post. Huh!

Almond Milk

I tried almond milk... it's actually called Almond Breeze, and nowhere on the carton does it say the word "milk". Something along the lines of "alternative taste" was written where "milk" should've been written. Anyway, it was a case of eavesdropping in on a conversation at work, where some vegan said that she liked almond milk, and I was thinking to myself, "almond's don't have utters". But, I am one to try new things, and to my surprise it was pretty okay. The consistency is milk, and the colour is milk... the taste... almondy-milk. Not bad though, and much better on my lactose-intolerant stomach.

So, for the festive season I decided to go out and by a Pumpkin-Ale beer so that I could rate it on my Booze Bros page.

Yes Ma, I did my homework.

Anyway, check it out if you'd like, but you may not like what you check, uh... see.

Almond Milk

Happy New Year! It's Rosh Hashanah! 5771!

2010-09-10T13:49:00.005-05:00

I've been feeling under the weather lately. I think that someone at work -- who was sick -- licked me right in the throat, because whatever it is I have, it's a gross throat thing. *Ribbit*.

BUT!

I got the new Blackberry Pearl 9100 a.k.a. Striker a.k.a. Stratus a.k.a. Pearl 3G a.k.a. awesome piece of machinery!

...Or should I say "technology"? Technically it's still a mac

hine, right? But I digress...

What a great phone, and I've been waiting for it for many months now.

It's user friendly, quick to text and call, it knows what you want to do as you do it, long battery life, clarity... what more can you want in a phone? Granted, for those who don't use smartphones, the Pearl (a.k.a. all those other names) may look a bit daunting, but give it a few minutes and you'll be in love -- wishing that there were laws stating that you could marry a piece of tech-chinery (I decided to amalgamate the words "Technology" with... well, you get it).

School is coming.

School... Am I ready? Yeah, sure, why not? Nah... I'm excited! Really! I just feel that summer school took away all of my personal writing time, and freedom to do things like flair or play volleyball. Such is the way, I suppose.

So, if the Hebrews are celebrating their 5771st year, shouldn't they be on like, hover-boards or curing cancer and AIDS with daytime or nighttime pills that are to be taken once every 24hrs until symptoms reside? Wow, we (as in the Jewish side of me) have been counting for a very long time! I wonder what people will be like when the Christian calendar reaches 5771...

Fate of This Artist... in August.

2010-08-02T12:45:00.007-05:00

I went to see Inception, and then I woke up.

Of course, my final school year's courses have been chosen. I'm waiting for an old grail-knight to come out and say, "you chose wisely," instead of me instantly growing old and decaying to the bone in front of everyone.

I'm taking The Law of Psycholology, Critical Methods and Literarary theory, Cognition and Psychothererapy, Monuments in fArt History, some Creative Writing course, and a course called Readers and Readership that is supposed to discuss what a "reader" is... are you reading this correctly? Probably. Are *you* a reader? Likely. Why do I need to spend $500 for a professor to... profess about the "readers" out there? We'll see, won't we. Oh, I might also take a Science-Fiction Film class. It sounds interesting/easy/bird course, and it seems that we'll be watching a lot of movies, but its on Fridays at 9am!!!! I didn't even know that time existed! I thought the world went from 5am when I go to bed on a night after clubbing, to 10am when my first (of three) alarms goes off -- telling me to get my lazy ass out of bed.

Speaking of "lazy", I developed a really cool new way to write my Z's in cursive. I can't show you right now, but ask me to write you something sometime and you'll see.

I should be working on my essay on Fate of the Artist, by Eddie Campbell:

It's a pretty good graphic novel, though obscure and multi-layered. I'm taking a class on the Graphic Novel right now, with a Professor Andrew Lesk, who (from many different accounts) either rubs his students the right way or the wrong way -- figuratively, of course. So far, I like him. I think that he is open, informative (and well informed), and is interested in teaching his students the proper way to write essays and such. That is something you don't see anymore; most of the Professors at UofT just assume that everyone by now should know how to write proper essays, but truth is, some people simply can't do it. He *dinged* me on my written in-class essay on using the ampersand (&) and on using clichés like "fact of the matter is...". Fact of the matter is, I was under a lot of pressure to finish on time (an exam I did last semester, leaving me with 40 points worth of questions to finish in 5 minutes, scarred me for life), and thought that ampersands might save me vigintillions of precious minutes (look it up, it's a real word. Also used in Fate of the Artist).

New Roommates in / Old Roommates out!

...And my, does my new roommate have a nice set of kitchenware! That wasn't an innuendo, she actually has nice kitchenware. I moved into the new room, and how adult do I feel now, with a super-duper high bed, and duvet, and en-suite bathroom, and curtains that cover a door that leads out to a back deck? Well, I feel almost adult. I still use words like super-duper.

I have to jump on this essay, so that I can (+{{[[**finally!**]]}}+) get back to work on my musical, and my book. I've been trying to get to it all summer long, and feel so deprived of my creativity. Poor Artist!

Milestones... my new job. Love it.

The food... great!

The people... greater!

What you use to shave cheese... grater!

Sing Me A Lil' Diddy J!

2010-06-30T21:28:00.003-05:00

Holy artistic-creativeness day Batman!

I've been having a good lyrics day. I worked on the second draft to my musical today, and I completed a few songs that I've been writing, but putting off completing.

NEW SONGS:

~Deeper Shades of Grey~

~Heart Glue~

FIXED UP:

~In Another Dimension~

STILL WORKING ON, BUT HAVE A GOOD MODEL FOR:

~This Applies To You~

Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la!!!!

Just a Couple of new Updates...

2010-06-09T01:04:00.002-05:00

I'm currently listening to "Stranger Things Have Happened" by The Foo Fighters. Good tune.

---------------------------------

Some boring admin stuff...

---------------------------------

1.0 I added a scrolling button screen to the top of my blog sites for easy access. If you don't like them hovering there, threatening you and following you wherever you go, just press the red X-button on the left hand side of the bar, and it'll go away... for now.

2.0 I've added a button for my friend Signe Ronka's website. She's a sk8r!

2.1 I've added a button for the Maps of Meaning website -- if you are serious about improving your life, maybe looking at the world with a different pair of eyes, or you're looking for a unified theory of everything... this site is for you!!!! His first lecture is free to watch online. I bought his complete DVD collection, and I love everything that he says.

3.0 The old domain name for "My Art" used to be "http://notallcorwin.blogspot.com/" with an "i" in Corwin. A few years back I changed the spelling of Corwin (the planet in which my novels take place) to Corwyn, and until now I forgot to modify the domain name to accommodate for the new spelling. "My Art" can now be reached at "http://notallcorwyn.blogspot.com/".

4.0 I fixed the blog buttons in the "buttons" section so that they no longer open up in a new window like the non-blog buttons do.

----------------

Thanks for reading -- you can wake up now.

A Spy In Isengard & The Flash

2010-06-03T23:13:00.004-05:00

While killing some time yesterday -- waiting for a sushi order to be made -- I decided to browse the used bookstore shelves for possible gems, and guess what I found...

Besides the final book to my Incarnations of Immortality collection by Piers Anthony...

And besides a beautifully illustrated soft-cover edition of Perfume, by Peter Suskind...

I found a choose-your-own-adventure book that takes place in Middle Earth: The Lord of the Rings world!!! Yeah, nerdy right? But there it was... a book that allowed you to actually participate in Tolkien's world. Apparently there are several of these books out there, where you have a character-sheet (given inside, with instructions on how to "play" the book), and you fight monsters and creatures while trying to solve the puzzles within the novel. Of course I've heard of choose-your-own-adventure books before, but a Middle Earth one? Coooooool. I read it yesterday and this evening (in between chapters of the book I'm supposed to be reading for school), and I came {this close} to dying before I got through it. An orc almost took my head off while trying to escape the Isengard tower. The book was authored by Terry K. Amthor, but the cover design was illustrated by Richard H. Britton, which -- for some reason I recalled -- was used again in the collectible card game called Middle Earth...

Anyhow... I've decided to add the book to my "Books I've Read" list, just to lengthen it (not that everything I've read is up there). Now I can't wait for my Canadian Fiction class to end, so I can read for leisure again and pick up Perfume.

I've officially started work at Milestone's, and I'm actually really excited to work there. The Loose Moose was just dragging me down, lower than I've ever been in my life. That's right, I no longer work there. They actually came up with some completely bogus reasons to fire me, and fired me! At least I get Termination Pay for eight weeks, Severance Pay for nine weeks, a crazy amount of Vacation Pay, and my benefits last for eight more weeks! And to think that they didn't even have to come up with an excuse to get rid of one of the dudes on the bar so they could hire a hot chick ('cause that's exactly what they did); they could have simply offered me the term/sev pay package and asked me to be on my way. Dumb-asses! Anyway, other than missing the staff like crazy, I'm supremely glad to be out of there and into a place that actually has good food and service... and is busy!

Still on the hunt for new roommates... my girls are leaving on a jet plane, and won't be coming back again. Craigslist! Now interviewing mature students and graduates!

Oh yeah... I (finally) added a new entry into the Science of Superheroes section of my blog, featuring The Flash's Super Speed!!!! Check it out!

It's Snot what you think.

2010-05-12T19:51:00.005-05:00

HOW TO MAKE "SNOT":

What you need:

1/8 cup of Borax (only Borax)

1 Liter warm water

2 spoons of Elmer's Glue (only Elmer's!)

3 teaspoons water

Green food color (the only color for great snot)

Here's what to do:

Add the 1/8 cup borax to the Liter of warm water and shake, shake, shake! (put the lid on first). The Borax won't dissolve. Put the Elmer's Glue (2 spoons) in a bowl, add the 3 teaspoons of water, and stir. Add the gooey green color and put this mixture in a Ziploc Bag. Add 1 or 2 teaspoons of the Borax and water (depends on how "snotty" you want your snot) and shake.

Now you have a bag full of snot. How Nice!

----

Back on the writing train, I go!

Yeah, school began again for me... Canadian Fiction is the course, sleeping in class is the outcome. Well, it's at 10am and coffee is insufficient to keep me alert at that time! Don't worry, I'll find a way to make Anne of Green Gables, and Margaret Atwood interesting... somehow.

In the meantime, I've been writing (re-writing) book three in my little saga of fantasy novels. It's been a couple years since that last edit -- considering I felt the need to re-write all of book two again -- an now book three's beginning doesn't fit at all. No worries, I'm well on the way to fixing it. The other day I even spent a good amount of time mapping the entire plot line on paper (as in, the entire saga's plot line). I have to say, should be a pretty good tale once it's finished... so long as I can write well enough.

Other projects have been shelved for the time being, but I don't plan on keeping away from them too long.

It's really rare, so I thought I'd blog about it.

2010-05-07T22:57:00.001-05:00

I had the best sleep in the woooooorrrrrrllllllddddd last night.

Let Summer 2010 Begin!

2010-05-03T21:21:00.004-05:00

Exams finished, Montreal trip... check!

The bad news is, I didn't get to finish the final exam -- ran out of time. In fact, I still had like, 3 pages and 20-30 points worth of questions when the time was up! And I studied my ass off and everything!

So... I filed for a re-write. I can't believe that I'll have to study again and retake the exam if I get approved. Puts a real downer on the whole summer-break thing. But....

The good news is, I had a friggin' awesome time in Montreal!!! Let me tell you about it in the same manner I felt it:

Beer, cobblestones, kings, Joel Plaskett, muddled hornet in a mojito, 6 hour drive, 8 pounds of McDonald's in one trip, Mitch Hedberg stand up in the car, not using words with the letter "B" in them, Parle Francais badly, Tam Tam drum fest, watching patio set-ups blow away and servers resetting them again and again, Blanche De Chambly, a nap on the grass near the science centre, Simon's, spitfire, a whole glass of beer in a purse that had a passport and a blackberry pearl still in it, falling asleep after getting hammered and waking up fifteen minutes later to go out drinking again, Kirsten Dunst smiled at me, poutine in old Montreal, St. Hubert's quarter chicken dinner and unlimited coleslaw, Maudite, four McDonald's trips in four days, three of which were on one day, passing a big apple place off the highway that makes apple pies, seeing the entire city from atop a mountain, being woken up at 6:30am by a group of homeless people who only had one volume setting on their level of speech -- loud, if you are flammable and have legs you are not blocking the fire exit, SAQ, Watching the Barenaked Ladies concert in The Métropolis Theatre, buying the bartender some shots, The Eaton Centre (Montreal), waking up at 6:30 to begin this crazy adventure, a streetlight with a happy face drawn over the green circle, Le Métro from Berri-Uqam station, beer in an alleyway, The Mad Hatter, truck'r accents, a lap dance from drunken Jay, continental breakfast, tattoos, an entire city of construction that makes "Sim City with minimal tax dollars going to the streets" look good, bagpipes, a protest on capitalism and mounted cops keeping people in line, two hotel rooms, toilet in one only flushable if you stick your hand in the back and manually lift the rubber plug, buying a bottle of vodka in a club just to say we did it, double fisting, NYK's, St. Ambroise Oatmeal Stout and Apricot Wheat Ale, new jeans and shorts, Ratatouille, Lobby Nightclub, juggling, drawing under a tree, having a helicopter follow me for about an hour and a half, trying not to puke while drunk in a taxi cab going TO the bar, mighty mighty hangover, dirty martinis, four days and three nights, wild turkey, Roger the Door Clerk, Cora's Asparagus and Swiss Benedict, Ass Steak, McMaster University, trying to get to see Timbre Timber but missing them by minutes, La Bibliotheque, and scrunching 6 people into a two-door sports car.

Yes... there is more, but that big blur of things-Montreal pretty much sums up my amazing trip. The Barenaked Ladies were amazing, of course, though I miss Steven Page quite a bit. And yes Kirsten Dunst... I said Kirsten Dunst. She's filming something out there right now actually.

So there we have it. Now it's back to the real world of fighting for shifts at work and fighting for a decent mark in an unfairly-tested psychology class. At least the weather is f*ckin' amazing!

Cousins Conversation.

2010-04-21T20:56:00.001-05:00

New Button added in the friends bar! Go Jess! It's the blog of my roommate and her cous... and it's bound to be filled with abrev's and jokes!

(Tomorrow's the big bad last exam... wish me luck -- The Good Kind!)

When Did Sexism Become Okay Again?

2010-04-07T09:46:00.005-05:00

Once again -- two summers in a row -- I'm having trouble finding a second serving/bartending job in the city. But unlike last year, I went out early and didn't limit myself to nearby places, and still nothing. Is it because nobody is hiring? Last year I blamed it on the big stock market crash, and the fact that I might have been too late handing out resumes. People are hiring alright. They're hiring women, preferably blonde with C's or higher -- I.Q. not an asset, nor is experience. That's right, Toronto (and perhaps much of the rest of the world) has once again shown its ugly prejudice side, and this time its a battle between the sexes.

You may ask, was there something wrong with my resume? I'm sure it has nothing to do with it. It's tailored to cater to the service industries' needs: my restaurant experience is highlighted over any other unrelated experience, boasting over ten years in the industry, I have smart serve and smart bar certification, I've established beverage seminars, and I even have experience with a few point-of-sale systems (the computer system used to punch orders in).

Well then you might ask if I went to hand in my resumes looking like a bum, or maybe I went at the wrong times. Well, I'd like to think that I've taken care of the aesthetics and the timing -- nobody likes it when someone asks if you're hiring while you're in the middle of a busy dinner rush.

Nope, it's because I don't have a pair of tits. plain and simple, although the implications are not so simple. How do I know this? Because the managers and servers I've handed resumes to have clearly stated, "Oh, we're not hiring guys right now. We're looking for a girl to work the patio for us." Now, I can understand it if their staff was heavily male based and they were looking to round out their team, but such is rarely (I haven't seen it yet) the case. Some of the employers even said, "sex sells, and I need people looking at the girls working my bar, so that they might think to come in."

I get it. Really, I do. From a business point of view, you're only trying to bring in more money by catering to stupid rich men who actually think that they might have a chance to get laid by the hot -- but dumb -- blonde, by being a hotshot and ordering rounds of Jager off her. You're also stating, by the way, that men have all the money, and that women don't pay. Women are only useful as attractions/drink servers, so long as they're cute, and men are dumb as bricks for falling for such an easy ploy to get their money. That's what you're telling me.

Now, I'm not suggesting -- by any means -- that all women servers are stupid. Many of them are not; in fact, quite a few at my restaurant are ten times smarter than most of the male staff. What I am suggesting is that the bar/restaurant owners of Toronto don't care about intellect, or experience, or capability. They're thinking, "repeat business", but they don't realize that shitty service is a powerful thing that may sway a person's decision to return. Male, with 10 years experience versus woman, with zero experience and a new set of implants. Winner? You guessed it! Girl power!

Do you know that my "extremely capable and intelligent" managers decided to bring a girl with absolutely no experience onto the bar just when our slow season was coming? That's right, the bartenders now need to share the dwindling shifts with this new chick (don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl), and apparently 10+ years experience and hard work doesn't mean squat anymore. Furthermore, as of May all the girls must wear short black skirts as part of their uniform... including the female bartenders. When the female bartenders asked how they're supposed to lift the kegs and cases of beer with miniskirts on, the managers said the following:

"You girls are work-horses, you work too hard and we want to change that. From now on you won't be doing kegs, we want you on the bar where the guests can see you."

TRANSLATION:

"Girls, start looking prettier, and let the male bar-backs do your job for you. Guys, pick up the slack for the girls; you're here to work."

The girls on the bar fought hard to prove themselves on the bar, and now it appears that they didn't even have to. The guys are going to have to fight even harder, and scrounge for the better shifts they deserve (according to experience and work ethic), until eventually they become a relic of the past. Pretty soon there won't be any more male bartenders, or maybe even servers for that matter. We're returning to the 50's people, but an awkward 50's that will likely be way worse.

From now on I'm going to try to make it a point to get a good look at who is serving me, and what kind of people are working at the establishments I frequent. Don't expect a good tip from me just because your chest is exposed and your blonde hair is glistening with a fresh dye job. And if I walk into an establishment that is 99% girls, chances are I'm walking right back out. Jack Astor's and the Loose Moose are progressively (should I say regressively) getting worse with their "profile hiring", while Clinton's -- although their reasons for hiring mostly women are acceptable -- is actually getting better (now having 3 males to 7/8 females). Bedford Academy: Boycotted! I'm sorry, but your comment about only hiring women really got to me: "You can go to the labour board if you want, but I'm only hiring girls right now." --and this came from a woman too!

BoozeBros Light, Update.

2010-02-19T13:59:00.005-05:00

Some additions have been made to the BoozeBros Light section of my blog. I have added Krombacher Dark to my repertoire of reviews, and I have distinguished the difference between Big Wheel on tap, and bottled Big Wheel (not a small difference, mind you).

On another note, Alexander Keith's has yet another crappy beer in their arsenal of inbred spin-offs:

Introducing, our next instalment of Keith's products that we think will help us round ourselves out and corner the market, but instead only ruins our reputation more than a pedophile in a kilt... We give to you....

Keith's Light!

EEEEEeeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeewwwwwww!!!! As if Keith's Red, White, and blew-chunks wasn't enough. Just stick to your original recipe and DON'T THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN IT, 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT!

Poison!!!

2010-02-14T13:17:00.002-05:00

I feel like the Nome King after eating a chicken's egg.

"Pooooiiiiison!"

Note to self... try your best not to suffer from both food poisoning and a hangover at the same time.

Now that I've been beached at home I think I'll try and catch up on some reading... or maybe I'll Youtube the Angry Nintendo Nerd or something.

Olivia Chow... I hope you get reincarnated into a bird that once lived in a tree that you cut down to make your ridiculous newsletters! Get a blog!

2010-02-04T12:16:00.005-05:00

Olivia Chow, STOP SENDING ME JUNK MAIL!!!! Seriously, in the past two days I've recieved two letters from you, making that three letters in two weeks. You need to stop wasting trees, because it's at the point where I've stopped opening them. I just take the letter out of my box and throw it right into the recycling bin, then I ask the Earth for forgiveness.

I opened the last one you sent me, looking to see if I could find an "unsubscribe number" to call. This one was about Haiti relief, I think, and I know that it sucks that I paid such little attention to the letter -- but that's what happens when you send me *bullshit* ALL THE TIME.

Did you know that if the same thing that happened in Haiti happened in California, they estimated that only five people would have died? Are we going to blame nature, or God for this catastrophe, or can we blame the people who didn't build sound structures that could withstand an earthquake of that magnitude?

The First Month of 2010

2010-01-23T14:53:00.005-05:00

I've added two new entries to the Booze Bros Light section of this blog. Check out my rants on the horrible-beyond-compare Alexander Keith's products, as well as my raves about the surprisingly amazing Big Wheel Deluxe Amber beer by Amsterdam Brewery. Yes, the Keith's section is long, but it is because I decided to rate the Red Amber, the White Wheat Beer, and the Stag's Head Stout all in one section.

I hope everyone is doing well in the new year. I'm keeping extremely busy with school and such, although I've given myself a little break today to rebuild my mental health!

RENT: Yes, I saw the musical last week with my friend Brianne and I have to say that I liked it a lot. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I like it. You know how at first you try so hard to focus and understand the plot line that you feel like you aren't enjoying it as much as you'd like? Rent was a bit difficult to put together, what with all the immediate introductions of eight characters and all, but each time I recall the play I find it easier to understand, and more enjoyable in the aftermath. Overall it was a great experience, and I'd probably see it again given the chance; especially now that I know what is going on (not that the "over the moon" sequence made much sense, ha ha!).

DREAMING: I know that I have a whole "dreaming section" in this blog that I haven't updated in a long while, and perhaps I should have added the following entry into it:

I've been having crazy weird dreams lately. Last night I was a James Bond figure in a casino, and the owners were out to beat the crap out of me for some unknown reason. The night before I had work dreams about skiing with the staff, except instead of skis we go-karted down the hills. Before that I dreampt that I had the power to turn my body into water, and flow through all the cracks in the walls and floors to get around. I even disappeared and reappeared behind this guy who was following me at one point. And then later on someone tried to grab hold of me so that he could later kill me, but I turned into water and got away. I know that I saw another man in my dream who could do the same thing, but for some reason I knew that these powers were kept secret from the rest of the world, and we weren't supposed to talk about it. Later, there were these drunk people on the streets of Willet and Ellery (where I lived in Richmond Hill), and I was able to somehow fill up their glasses with water that came from my body just by thinking about it. I was trying to sober them up or something.

At least I'm no longer dreaming about West Side Story. After the play had ended I was still dreaming of being on stage for about a month! Intense!

SCHOOL: I'm taking a course called Maps of Meaning... there is a website for it with a free video lecture you can watch, and I highly recommend that you do if you have the time. This course will change my life for sure. It's one of those things you feel that everyone will benefit from hearing. I only wish it was a university requirement! That's all I'll say on the matter, or else I'll be going on for pages about how wonderful it is.

I'm also taking Biological Rhythms; a class on the cycles we have and how we respond to the environment. It's a pretty cool class, although it is quite technical. Did you know that the human biological clock is not 24 hours? it's actually off by a couple of hours and must be reset daily for us to align ourselves with the earth's time.

Still in Shakespeare, although I'm beginning to like it a lot. Never thought I'd say that, but I guess it has something to do with the will to learn (that previously I did not have). I can't believe how many quotes I already knew before reading up on him. You know...

All the world's a stage... now is the winter of our discontent... what's in a name, that which we call a rose... such stuff as dreams are made of... to be or not to be... all that glitters is not gold... parting with such sweet sorrow... a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse... a pound of flesh...

And, I'm still in Archaeology. Still waiting for the "lost civilizations" section to appear, and getting pretty tired of learning about corn, maize, and agriculture. Whatever... It's a course requirement. May as well try to broaden my horizons.

WORK: Why do I get the feeling that my friends are enemies, and that my enemies are enemies? All I want to do is go to work, get some decent shifts, and do a good job. Is that too much to ask? Management seems to get so involved in the politics of useless things that they no longer look at what the guests (and staff for that matter) need or want. How much time do you spend in a meeting contemplating whether or not the staff should be allowed to use the house's washrooms during their shift? How many bad decisions were made because no one wants to speak up over the alpha-dominent personality type who runs the restaurant in fear? You know that the more you make us all unhappy, the more it will be portrayed to the guests, no matter how much we try to hide it. Enough with all the political bullshit and darting around the issues: You all need to tell me (and each other) exactly what you think and how you feel! I'll start:

-- stop playing favourites. It's only good for the one who is favoured and bad for the rest of morale

-- Someone with authority needs to grow a pair and fire the one person he knows is bringing this place down.

-- My stance: I don't give a shit about the place anymore, and that bothers me. I used to take pride in my work and my bar, and now I'll just laugh it ever gets blown up by a random gas leak. And I know exactly how I got to this state; [Hint] it has something to do with my last point. I hate how one person can bring me down, but I should commend myself for fighting it for so long. And all I'm doing when I go into work now is try to find ways to make the place more pleasant for others to work there.

-- Start involving the staff in important decisions, or at least add a comment box that can be taken seriously. The staff are the front lines. They know what works and what doesn't... and if you must be adament on making a decision we don't agree with, at least give us your sound, reasonable explanation for changing things, and maybe we'll respect the fact that you respect our opinions too.

Phew!

Gnomes... You're done!

2010-01-08T01:53:00.005-05:00

I finished book 2... again.

I just wanted the second draft to be finished before I delved back into my school work again, and because I got sick twice over the holiday break I wasn't able to complete it. Well today (1:54am), after spending a good 9+ hours today on it, I finally finished the second draft of book 2 (of four). Now I can relax a bit before writing papers for psychology and English, and hopefully in the summer I'll continue where I left off in book 3!!!

Man, my eyes hurt. I'm going to bed.

End of Semester... :S

2009-12-07T00:45:00.007-05:00

Semester done! Save for the Milton Exam I'll be writing on the 16th. Then... semester done!

I've had such a great school year so far, what with joining the UofT cast of West Side Story and making so many new friends, not to mention the automatic thrills one gets simply by attending classes and writing essays!!! Is there an emoticon out there that symbolizes *sarcasm*? I'll use this one...

It looks like a face with an awkward mouth... plus it has an "S" for sarcasm in it. Well, the part about the WSStory was true... I loved that part very much, but the school work... meh! I think I enjoy learning more than being tested. Who doesn't?

Update... October 2009

2009-10-29T23:09:00.004-05:00

What I've learned so far...

If a person encodes new information into memory by looking at an advertisement with pictures, that person is using two separate parts of the brain to encode it. The picture stimulates a visual pathway, while the words on the ad stimulate a verbal pathway. We therefore learn better when more than one pathway is activated, so if you watch the news and listen to it, it is more memorable than just listening to it. A shanay is a type of ballet turn that apparently gets used a lot in West Side Story... that's right, I learned BALLET!!! Around 1.9 million years ago (not according to creationists) Homo erectus spread out of Africa. It was Eve's fault that man fell, but it was also Adam's, and Satan's, and God's... who hasn't contributed to the fall, Milton? A Midsummer Night's Dream tends to parody Romeo and Juliet at times, while West Side Story is a modern day Romeo and Juliet. The story of Narcissus in Ovid's Metamorphosis came up in my Shakespeare class during Titus Andronicus, my Milton class during our session of book 4 of Paradise Lost when Eve looks in the water and sees a beautiful image, and in my Psychology of Mass Media class... though I'm still trying to figure out why that was on the test. I'm waiting for it to come up in Archaeology.

I've learned a lot more than that, but at least it gives you a glimpse into this year's teachings.

My Birthday

Yes, yes... I'm 30. Thank you to everyone who participated in reminding me of that fact; at least I was well compensated with steaks, wine, dessert, movies, money, alcohol, brunch, cards, candy, sushi... I feel fat. Ha ha! I was pretty adamant about being low-key, and for the most part I got my wish. Most of my birthday was actually spent celebrating Brianne and Bryan's engagement. About friggin' time! I even got to see some friends I haven't seen in a good while.

Extra Curriculars

West Side Story is going well, though there is a heckofalot to learn -- even for someone like me, who has a relatively minor role. Not so minor, I suppose. I'm playing Chino the Puerto Rican, but unlike the movie version, I'm involved in all of the dances. At least I have the best scenes (I won't spoil it for you).

My guitar strummin' is going well. Got some new strings today, and they sound great. I love the twangy feel of new strings. I'm on a Beatles/Barenaked Ladies kick right now. I learned like, ten of each of their songs. As far as creation goes... meh. Not doing anything new. At least, not good stuff. I did learn a song on piano though; and I don't play piano. It's an easy one, you just have to keep at it. It's called "9 Crimes" by Damien Rice.

Work is slow and money is tight, but I've learned some crazy flair moves with the help of Zack Prohaska (ultimate world competitor champ chump superstar flair wizard guy). He has me doing a double shaker-tin + one bottle routine, plus I'm working on my 2 bottle + 1 tin juggling. Even I'm amazed at the stuff he's teaching me!!!

Apple

My Macbook is great (it'd better be... they replaced my 3-month-old one because it had a faulty part). But I'm rather upset with Apple for the way they treated me after the refit. You see, I purchased their new operating system called "Snow Leopard" for $35, because when I bought the Macbook in July-August, they hadn't come out with it yet. When I put the disk in, it wouldn't read. I tried a regular DVD, and it wouldn't read. This wasn't the first time I had that problem, so I called Applecare and they told me to take it in for a fix-up. They said they just had to replace the optical drive (where you put the CD), and after a week they called me up and said they had to give me a whole new computer. The problem was, when they gave me the new computer it already had Snow Leopard on it (by then it had become standard). So I thought, if my computer was going to break down anyway, and I hadn't purchased the disk, I still would have had Snow Leopard installed, and since I never got it on to the old computer I thought I'd just return it.

They wouldn't give me my money back, because they have a policy that states that opened software cannot be returned. But I had a unique case, where they messed up by selling me a faulty computer, and I was without it for a week. You think that they would accommodate me (a new customer) by reimbursing my measly $35 when clearly I never would have needed the disk anyway. But they wouldn't do it.

So I called Applecare, and they were very courteous. But they still said they wouldn't refund my money. The best they could do was give me a $35 coupon that I could use at the online store. Sound's fair right? But here's the kicker... I have to spend $120 before I can even use the coupon, and I have to spend it by December 31 of this year. WTF!?! I told the guy I'm pretty much set now, and have no intention of buying anything else for the next while, especially for $120. He said that he could extend it to March, but that was the absolute best he could do. I dunno. Apple can be so great, but in the end they're just like every other company.

Back to Busy.

2009-09-29T11:20:00.003-05:00

As predicted, it has been a busy ride the past few weeks. When I'm not at work or in school, I'm doing homework, or extra curriculars such as learning lines for West Side Story. That's right, I'm in a play. I can't sing, I can't act, and I can't dance... but I'm trying. For those of you who know the story of West Side... Story, I play Chino: The Puerto Rican boy who is supposed to marry Maria. Fun, Fun, in the sun. Well... there really isn't any sun out right now, and according to the report, for the next whole week!

I've been taking a Shakespeare class, and so far so good, although it is taking me a good-long-while to figure out what it is he is trying to say. Good to have the internet as an assistant on that one, thanks. Ditto with my Milton class. Paradise Lost is pretty cool, but harder on the brain than Shakespeare. And how did he write most of it as a blind man? And for Shakespeare we are required to keep a journal, and in it we need to write about certain passages that intrigued us. The first thing we studied were his sonnets, and the professor hinted that if we were to attempt a sonnet on our own, it would be a great addition to our journals. So I did one, and it took me two hours to write 14 lines. Do you have any idea how hard it is to say what you need to say in 14 lines, with proper measures and feet and syllables and rhyming schemes?!? Anyway, I'll post it in the "My Art" section of this blog site.

The Psychology of Mass Media is alright so far. The interest level is way up there, but I feel like a bomb is going to be dropped on me as soon as I see the first page of the first test. After all, we're just discussing theories in class, and there really isn't any solid fact involved. What are the fill-in-the-blanks going to be about?

Media affects the ______ industry by _________ing the ___________. THAT COULD BE ANYTHING!!!

Archaeology is quite cool as well, and at least I feel like I 'll have something solid to study for. So far we've only learned about methods and theory, so nothing super cool... but something's coming, I can feel it... Tonight. Maria... Gee Officer Krupke.

My Macbook Pro is phenomenal, and... wait -- let me put my laundry in the dryer. My Macbook Pro is phenomenal, and I can't believe how user friendly it is. I figure the ins and outs of it in like, a week and a half, and without anyone tutoring me on the subject. The technology seems so far beyond the standard PC, and it never crashes or gets loaded with bugs and viruses. Why is the rest of the world holding back and waiting for PC to step up? "Because Macs are expensive"... well save for an extra month and get one! It's well worth it, I guarantee it!

Okay, I've dawdled long enough. I need to start chapter 2 in my Archaeology textbook for next monday. If I don't do it now I may not get a chance later. Work has taken ownership of my entire weekend, and school gets me weekdays. Get this... I've been scheduled a Friday night (where I could possibly be there until 3am), then Saturday morning (where I have to be there by 10am)... then I was scheduled Sunday from 10am until 1am -- that's right, I was SCHEDULED to work 15 hours in one day! Illegal!!!! *Sigh!* Such is my workplace.

Here's the Skinny...

2009-08-27T11:19:00.004-05:00

Yes yes yes... It's been a long while since I've posted anything. Can I say I've been busy? Definitely!

First things first, I would like to take the time to announce that my grandfather on my mother's side passed away about ten days ago. The loss hit the family quite hard, and many of us have been grieving in our own ways, but if anything, I hope that it will bring us all closer together. Nana, be strong.

Alrighty,

School is starting on the 9th of September this year, leaving me very little time to finish doing the second edit to my first book. What happened to the second book, you ask? Well, I finished it!!! That's right, on July 29, 2009 I finished the first revamp of the second book. My reviews of the first edit were pretty bad, and so I decided to throw a monkey (wrench) into the gears. I'm waiting for the next set of reviews, but in the meantime the first book needs some serious updating and editing. It may have been a decent story, but the writing style was amateur at best. I only need a few solid days at the coffee shop on my BRAND NEW MACBOOK PRO 13" awesome notebook computer to finish the edits, and hopefully I will have both books finished by the time school begins.

I'm taking Shakespeare this year. I'm afraid.

I figure that if ever I wanted to be a teacher (in English), I should probably dip my nose in a few of Shakespeare's plays. I am also trying to get into a John Milton class (unfamiliar to you? How about "Paradise Lost"?), but was put on the wait list. I'm taking The Psychology of Mass Media, which should be interesting, and Biological Rhythms -- another psych class that discussed the different patterns people go through in their lives. I am also taking Canadian Drama, just to spread my wealth of knowledge a bit, as well as Archaeology. That one, I'm worried about. I need to take a social science, and so far in my three years of university none of my credits apply. So I picked up archaeology, because I can't handle politics or sociology as much as I wished I could.

But enough about school... I'm going to Las Vegas this weekend!!!! duh duh duh dummmm!!!
Some friends of mine found a cheap ($530, three nights at the Monte Carlo, return air fare) deal and I have a little saved up -- screw tuition, right? -- so I thought I'd try to get away before crunching down on some homework. I'm riDORKulously excited to go, and I plan to do everything!!! -- except the local talent.

So is it time to sign off yet? Perhaps. I'll come back after my trip, and hopefully have a few pictures up to show off my inability to drink alcohol like a normal person!

The beer is here, albeit LIGHT beer.

2009-07-16T20:09:00.003-05:00

That's right, I have finally added the light (or should I say LITE) version of the beloved but lost Boozeros.ca. Unfortunately the site went down last year and has not returned to us. No virtual Babes, BBQ, and Beers for a year?!? WTF!!! Well the virtual babes isn't so hard to find. Yet I felt that it was crucial to retain as much of my favourite section -- the beer review section -- as I could. Luckily I had saved most of my entries all that long ago, and I've just transferred them onto the Light-site.

So Steamer, this'll have to do until your site returns. But don't take too long or I might have to turn it into a BoozeBrosLightLime site, and nobody wants that!!!

Until then, enjoy the new button. I'm off to create a link for my buddy DJ Floh Back's blog.

Mini Update.

2009-07-16T10:30:00.002-05:00

In the past couple of weeks I've been extremely busy, and haven't had a lot of time to update my blog. I've been working more shifts, and I got a second job teaching ESL students English, and I purchased a Macbook Pro last weekend. I'm still trying to wrinkle out the kinks on it, while transferring my files (and my PC knowledge) to Mac format.

I have plans to update this site by adding a new section, but I won't reveal it until all the buttons and backgrounds are set up. In the meantime, it's off to Eglinton station to teach!

See you all soon.

What Dreams... What Edits!

2009-06-10T11:26:00.003-05:00

Two new entries have been made in the "What Dreams May Come" section of my blog. Just press the "Lucid Dreaming" button to the right and it will take you there, or simply click on this text.

Website Update:
I have updated and edited some of the structure to my blog. The backgrounds have all changed, and are now less invasive to the text. It should be easier to read, without the backgrounds getting in the way.
Everything is now a little less bulky and blocky. I removed some of the square white backgrounds from the sidebar. They are no longer needed now that the background is significantly lightened. The Background to the "What Dreams Will Come" (WDMC) section was the old "My Art" background. It seemed more at home in this new area... you'll see why if you take a look at it. Eerie!
I've also updated the blog-radio buttons to be a uniform colour, save for the play and volume buttons. Thought it'd be fun to change those up.
I noticed that there were extra buttons sitting around in the WDMC section that should only be in the main blog page. They are now bye-bye!
I have also added a little quote from an old movie starring David Bowie somewhere on the main page. Try and find it, if you can.
For some reason the hover text on the animals cannot be seen when using Mozilla Firefox. Using Explorer, a small dialogue appears when you hover your mouse over each of them. I change it up after each new blog entry, but I can never view it on my Firefox browser. Weird. At least you can still move them around.

Noah.

2009-05-25T22:16:00.005-05:00

I finally got to see my nephew Noah for the first time. He's one of the cutest infants I have ever seen... and I'm not just saying that 'cause he's my nephew. Look...

We got some nice pics of him and the family, including a four generation picture...

T'was a fun weekend!

On a technical note, I realized that some of my buttons were either defective or leading to nothing in particular. A couple of my Radio Blog music bars weren't working, so I changed them up a bit; I added Matthew Good and a new Beatles song to the menu. Also, I noticed that some of my friends are no longer updating their sites (nevermind that Noah's site was last updated November 2006), so I removed the buttons from the top side-bar, but left them in my buttons collection. We'll see if they update their site anytime soon.

Lastly, I finally got a new Blackberry Pearl. It makes me haaaapy. When the last one stopped working properly it nearly broke my heart! I never thought I could devote so much attention to an electronic device. So I got a red one with the older style buttons on it. It's brand new, unloacked, and packed with goodies, like a Spanish/Italian/French/Duetch language pack, Sudoku, and other cool stuff. Plus I bought a skin protector that jazzes it right up!

Imagine it with red buttons that are the same colour as the crimson red tree on the back.

If I Eat Strawberries...

2009-05-06T23:09:00.006-05:00

Hey, if I said that I'll be there in 1.2 minutes... how many seconds is that? 1.5 is 60+30 which is 90, and 1.25 is 60+15 which is 75 seconds. And 1.1 is like saying one and one tenth, so one tenth of a minute is six seconds and two sixths is the same as four twelfths, which is where the number four is on the clock. So two sixths must be 20 seconds. That means that one sixth is 10 seconds... but two twelfths is like looking at the clock and seeing the number two... yeah, so that's still ten seconds, right? So how do we figure out 1.2 minutes? If one minute is 60 seconds + 2/10 of a minute (or 60 seconds), then...

1 = 1.2
60 x

Cross multiply, and we have 1x=1.2(60), therefore x= I need a calculator.

---

I finished Fight Club, and I have to say... I think I liked the movie better. Weird, eh? Maybe it was his writing style. Maybe it was because I saw the movie first. Who knows. I think it was one of those cases where the magic worked better on screen than in book format. You never really got the sense that Tyler wasn't really there. He always conveniently just "went out" or "wasn't there", instead of the clever ways they made him "seem" like he was there when he wasn't.

I'm on to "Up Till Now..." an Autobiography of William Shatner. It's a very light read, and frankly, pretty funny. He purposely makes himself out to be a little pompous and arrogant. "I'm William F*ckin' Shatner!" style of writing.

---

Speaking of writing. I'm back full swing into my book again. Over the course of the school semester I came up with some really good ideas on how to fix the story up and modernize it a little. I spent 7 hours yesterday (without realizing it) on a re-edit of the second book. I hope I don't burn out too soon. I still have a whole summer to work on it.

---

I'm up to date on Heroes, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, Dexter, and most of Family Guy now, so let's chat about it.

Line from 30 Rock: Kenneth: "If I eat strawberries my mouth will close up faster than a girl in math class."
(aww, leave it to Tina Fey to add a few sexist jokes to her scripts. Ha Ha!)

---

Now that I'm out of school I've wasted no time partying (yet saving as well), playing guitar, throwing up after cigars and drinks, practicing my bottle flair, taking care of someone else who was throwing up after a birthday full of wine and vodka, working, fighting to work, looking for more work elsewhere, trying to meet my nephew, trick myself into believing that I don't need a haircut, purchasing a Blackberry Pearl on Ebay from what I hope is a reputable company (I should scratch that off my want list to the right), hoping to save for a new computer and pay off my loans, choosing my courses for next year... I'm thinking something in English from the Romantic Period, and something in Psych regarding Psychopathology in Children (that's right, I'm gonna study crazy children)... dating, making mistakes, making dating mistakes, and discovering more and more about myself with every passing moment and hoping it stops.

So, it's only been two and a half weeks since I've been in school and I've pretty much had all of that on my mind. Two and a half weeks... that's half a month, or 1 of 2 parts of a month. So in a year that's one twenty-fourth since the year can be divided into 12, or even 52. So that would be 2.5 of fifty-two or five of one hundred and four, although that doesn't seem very relevant to the topic here. Man, I feel like I'm a character in Lewis Carroll's books right now.

Keep off the Grass!!!

2009-04-21T22:39:00.002-05:00

I'm back!
My last exam was yesterday, and I'm ready to be non-studious for the whole summer; well... not entirely non-studious.

I still have to read Fight Club, William Shatner's Autobiography, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Life of Pi, and a few other recommendations before school starts back up in September. Plus I want to be prepared for next year, so I might want to do some reading pertaining to my courses. Plus I'm back to writing... so much for trying to have a brainless summer.

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar... the bartender says, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Work is pissing me off. When I rule the world I'm going to hire my bar manager, and then strip away all her power and dignity without ever firing her. She just came along and decided to take me off the bar for bul!$hit reasons, so that she can hire this guy who every other bartender says couldn't fill anyone's shoes, let alone mine. After eight years of working for the company, some bi+ch manager decides that I'm not bartender material after watching me for a few slow shifts... I don't think so.

I went to HR, and today I had a meeting with the Area Director. I'm not actually confident that things will work out in my favour, but I have to at least try. Meanwhile I'm looking for a second job to work off debt and upcoming debt. I need a new computer... I need to pay off my loans including next years fees. <-- in a sentence like that do I put an apostrophe in the word "years"? Like "next year's fees" or "ext years' fees"... I should know this, but right now my brain is mush from having to do a brainless serving shift while watchingthe bar get rammed and making a ba-jillion dollars. ARRRGGGG!!!

By the way... how do "keep off the grass" signs get there?

Well, I'm done writing for now. Hopefully sometime in the near future I will add a few more pictures to the "My Art" page. That's my plan.

I'm tired. G'night.

Not Dead... I'm Good.

2009-03-09T13:29:00.002-05:00

I just thought everyone should know that I'm still alive... Just working too hard to regularly update my blog. I'll be back to full time blogging in about three weeks when exams finish. In the meantime, comment me! Anything! Say anything!

Another Semester... and, GO!

2009-01-05T22:28:00.001-05:00

Back in school again, and not ready as ever!!! I've already had a class on The Self Consciousness, and it's pretty good, although extremely involved. No dozing in that class I assure you! Wish me luck!

House of Leaves

2008-12-22T22:28:00.001-05:00

I am reading “House of Leaves” right now, and I have to say that it seems to be eerily penetrating my life. It’s odd enough that the book is about a guy who discovers some documents produced by a man who seemingly was nuts, and these documents start to turn this other guy crazy as well. I’m not far into it, but I have noticed a few things that – I’m sure – are just coincidences that pertain to my life. To begin, I had a dream about a week ago that I was at a summer camp, and that camp eventually sent me to Massachusetts on a field trip. When I woke up I thought, “that’s odd. Why Massachusetts? When did that place ever come up in my recent past to end up in my dreams? Of all the places in the world, my brain decided to pick Massachusetts as a location-setting for my dream.” So I decided to forget about it, and then the next day something odd happened. I was reading House of Leaves, and the word Massachusetts came up in the novel. After distinctly recalling that I already had a dream about the place, I had to do a double-take at the words on the page. Yup. Massachusetts was right there on the page. But I didn’t remember reading about it before, so my dreams didn’t come from reading this book... did it? I recall seeing an index of words at the back of the novel. I recalled earlier that it was an index of seemingly useless words, and at the time I thought, “who would ever need to look up where words like ‘cave’ or ‘entire’ would come up?” But now it had a use. I looked up Massachusetts and lo and behold, it had come up before... on page 16, and I was already on page 32. So I scan the page for the word, several times, and I can’t find Massachusetts anywhere on it. I figured the index was just a dummy index, but then I decide to check one more time. Found it! Massachusetts comes up in a footnote at the very bottom of the page in small font. It’s hidden within some obscure reference block that I’m sure I didn’t bother scanning when I read the page the first time. So how did Massachusetts come up in my dream then? Did I see it in my peripheral vision, and somehow it got caught into my synapses? I dunno, but it’s weird enough to think that I had a pre-cognition about it. Of course it could just be coincidence.

So I let it go. I read on, and today another weird occurrence... occurred. To back up a little, this past semester I took an ‘Abnormal Psychology’ class, and in one lecture we learned about ‘neologisms’. A neologism is a made up word, which can often be seen as a symptom of people who suffer from schizophrenia. Take for example the word ‘orshoes’, which I just made up. It is a noun for shoes that are orange. As I was studying for my final with a friend of mine, we made quite the deal to try to remember what a neologism was. This was after all, the first time we had ever heard of the word before. Never in my 29 years of life had I come across the term, and I expected that outside of a psychology setting, never again would I hear about it. I was wrong. Today I read a bit more of House of Leaves, and at the end of chapter 5 on page 73, guess what word came up? So far, I don’t recall coming across any words I couldn’t understand in the book, and it was almost impeccable timing that I learned what a neologism was just before reading about it in the book. Of course, perhaps I have come across other words I couldn’t understand and just skipped over them and forgot about them. The point is, is that neologism is an obscure and rare word, and I find it quite the coincidence to find it now in this book. I am curious to see what else this book throws at me, but now that I am aware of its effect, it’ll have to try much harder to throw me off.

Welcome Harlow.

2008-12-07T22:22:00.006-05:00

I would like to take the time to welcome Harlow to the NotImmortal fold. She has joined the other talking heads on the main page, and will hopefully have a lot to contribute to our discussions. If you want to see her running around like an ADHD kid after a Hershey Bar check out my video on Facebook (if you're added as a friend... if not, you'll have to use your ymagynacioun). Damn... too much Chaucer in the head.

On that note, it occurred to me that anyone using Mozilla Firefox can't read what the guys up top are saying. It seems that Explorer users can simply place their cursor over the head and read what's on their minds (a little easter egg I added about a year ago), but it won't work with the Firefox. What's up with that?

What's that you say? I should be studying for exams? Screw you, I studied all day and I wanna relax. I can't wait for Friday night when exams are finished.

A blessing can work miracles.

2008-11-22T22:39:00.003-05:00

So this guy who works as a busser at my work comes up to me yesterday, and asks me if the salt we use to rim our glasses is kosher. I say, "I dunno, let me check."
The Margarita salt is kosher, it turns out. So I figure, I'll bite...
"Why do you need to know?"
"Well, I'm going to be bartending at this function, and I want to make sure I know what I'm doing," he says.
Naturally, I ask, "Is it a Jewish function or something?"
"No," he says, "Why?"
I told him that it was the only reason I could think of as to why he'd need to know whether or not the salt was kosher.
He says, "I just want to make sure the salt sticks to the glass."
"What?!?"
"I just want to make sure the salt sticks to the glass," he says again.
"You do know what kosher means, don't you?" I ask, thinking he may have gotten his definitions crossed.
"Yeah, it's when the salt is blessed."
Okay, so he understands what kosher means, yet he thinks that the salt needs to be kosher in order to stick to the glass... I'm missing something.
"So, you think that a blessing will get the salt to stick to the glass?"
"Well..." he says with a confused look on his face. "Well I just want to make sure it sticks. I want to make sure I'm doing everything right. So you use kosher salt. Good to know." And he walks away.
?!?!?! Ever heard of using lime juice, or even water to get the salt to stick to the rim? Good luck getting through life, buddy.

AHHHH Make the homework stop!!!! AHHHH!!!!

2008-10-26T19:22:00.003-05:00

I've been quite busy with school, and work, and the social aspect of life (The Bday took up a whole weekend, and some recovery time), and I feel flooded with things to do in such a short time. Not to mention the fact that I can't stay focused on school work (I wrote another song, but those are so few and far between, I prioritized it higher than school work). I have a 7-pager essay due, as well as a 10-page one, both at the beginning of November, plus a Social Psych test at the same time. ARRGGG!!!! At least I got an extension.

Does it suck that I can't hit the proper notes for the song I wrote? Maybe I should stick to writing, and forget singing. I'll just sell my work to some band and make royalties off them. (I wish).

Thanks to everyone who brightened up my birthday weekend... It feels good to be in the spotlight every so often. Okay, I'm off to get some Nachos from Clinton's 'cause they're fantastic, then I should do some more studying (ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!).

PS: check out this book, and let me know how it is (but don't ruin it for me)... House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski.

Bock Bock Bock Bock Bock Bock....

2008-09-22T21:43:00.003-05:00

September 22 2008
Bock Bock Bock Bock Bock Bock...
Does going back to school mean that I'm not going to be updating this site regularly? You bet it does!

As much as I wish I had the leisure time, I'm too busy with work and school and homework and watching Smallville and playing with my Gameboy to have any free time to just... do nothing. I wish I could still write, using my (fixed / healthy) laptop on some coffee patio in the warm sun, but now I have to get my jollies and kicks from writing a 3500 word essay on stupid Canadian short stories while sitting at home under incandescent light, while being grounded to my desk where (and I know this is a run-on sentence, but I'm executing my write as a righter to say what I want to say) where was I?... where I'm grounded to my desk because my laptop needs to be connected to an external monitor for me to see anything...

... and breathe!

Well, at least I'm wearing a cool ensemble of clothing today, and I look good. I'm focused deeply on learning (just not studying). I'm extremely comfortable falling asleep, and totally uncomfortable when I wake up (due to sleeping like a contortionist and having back pains), which allows me to not sleep in. I successfully made a secret family recipe tonight consisting of Kraft Dinner as the main ingredient... real secret, so shhhhh!

Every time (hugh... "every time" is not one word. Never knew that. Then why do we have "anytime"?). Everytime I learn about a new disorder in my abnormal psychology class I get the symptoms of that disorder for about the time it takes me to finish the chapter. I just read Obsessive Compulsive Disorders, and I felt a little like repeating what I wrote down. Then I read about Obsessive Compulsive Disorders, and I felt a little like repeating what I wrote down. And before that I read about anxiety disorders and felt that I couldn't sit still and that if I didn't hurry up and finish the chapter I would go nuts. I was pacing and racing and standing and sitting, and my bum hurt and my eyes hurt and my hand hurt... I even read about schizophrenia when I was alone at home last week and I could have sworn my mind was playing tricks on me. Either that or there really was someone watching me. I know that my symptoms aren't by-the-book traits of the disorders, but we also learned about the commorbidity of the syndromes, where things overlap and bleed; nothing's cut and dry when it comes to the abnormal.

I'm taking Chaucer classes, and I'm beginning to sound Englishy. Fore instaunse, ofte I feele lyke ne a persone understandes me. I ne knowe not why 'tis the casse, fore I speke in the perfecte tung.
Do you know the difference between "inquire" and "enquire"? I do, and if you don't you should inquire about it. I only learned about the differences yesterday when I enquired using the internet.

I find it funny when old people use the word "interweb" when talking about stuff online. Oh, and when I say "old people" it isn't referring to actual age, but people who still live in the stone age of 1992 or under.
I wish I was drunk so that this blog entry would be funny. As it is, there are only a few people out there who laugh at my jokes. Those are the cool people.
(Takes the time to laugh at my own stupid humour. Guess I'm one of the cool kids after all) If anytime is one word, why can't "afterall" be one word? Overalls is one word. Moreso is one word, despite my spell checkers efforts to turn it into the word "morose" when I'm not watching...
"I really loved that dinner, morose than the lunch I had." Does that even make sense, you stupid paperclip-animation? Why don't you just change ALL the words in that sentence, and make yourself feel useful?
"I realty lived hat sinner, morose then he hunch I hat." -- love, Microsoft Paperclip.
Okay... apparently "more so" is two words. That's why Pepperclip was changing it to "morose". I rescind my upset paragraph above.
So I'd like to give a shout out to Principal Dick Hunter; without you we wouldn't be able to write profanities without a legit excuse. Same goes to you Eric Shinn; keep on saluting for the country you stand for! Oh gosh! I opened a can of worms, and I don't want to leave anyone out. okay... Thank you,

-Helen Back, we know how far you’ve gone for us all.
- Jack Goff, I’d shake your hand, but...
- Justin Casey Howells, Don’t forget to cover your mouth.
- Lois Price, you were always a little cheap, but we love ya!
- Marty Graw, lay off the Hurricanes and Mojitos.
- Mo Lestor, don’t forget to let me know if you can babysit little junior next weekend.
-Mona Lott, good times, good times. I don’t know how my roommates knew someone was with me though.
- Olive Yew, and I’m not referring to just you.
- P. Ness, sorry I mixed you up with your brother, A. Ness. Truth is, I’m not really fond of either of you and can say with certainty that I won’t ever like to get to know you better.
- Pierce Deere, remember the time we got stuck at the airport when you went through the metal detector and they couldn’t find out why you kept going off?
-Polly Ester, I wish you weren’t so uncomfortable. You make me sweat a lot.
- Robin Andis Merryman, Remember you asked me if I ever would sleep with Maid Marian, and I replied with, “Sherwood”?!?
- Sal Minella, Sorry you were out of commission for so long after that food poisoning.
- Sheila Blige, In my opinion, you’re too easy to get into bed.
-Miss Inga Page, I shouldn’t have hired you as my bookkeeper. Perhaps you would have been more suited to note taking.
- Tess Steckle, you kinda’ hung around me a lot and did nothing but rub me the wrong way. But I keep you around because one day I know I’ll need your assistance.
- Willie B. Hardigan, It was always a question as to whether or not you would rise to the position you once had. I always had faith.
- Constance Noring, You kept me up all night, but I always told the guys it was for different reasons.
- Anna Recksiek, My goodness woman, have you gained weight?!?
Thank you all for your contributions. May you all live up to your great names!

Troubles with Cell Phones.

2008-08-31T14:13:00.006-05:00

My phone got sick yesterday. It kept activating the "enter" key, so it would do things like send blank SMS texts...
1. If the text icon is highlighted it presses enter and assumes you want to write a message.
2. While in the SMS option it automatically highlights the last text you sent. Mine happened to be to Kristina, so it automatically pressed enter and went into that text message.
3. By pressing enter again it automatically thinks you want to reply to that message, so it starts a new SMS to Kristina.
4. by automatically pressing enter again it assumes you are ready to send the message, and it asks to verify.
5. because the enter key is continuously being pressed it verifies that you want to send, and it does.
6. the cycle repeats itself.

So you see how this can be annoying. It also kept trying to lock and unlock my keypad, and it kept wanting to call my last caller. Finally I took the friggin battery out, because you can't turn off a blackberry like other phones. The blackberry says "turning off, press any key to abort". Of course, with the auto enter thing going on it kept aborting my off switch. ARGGG!!!

I love the blackberry pearl, but Fido doesn't offer them, and a new one will cost me $500. I don't want another refurbished one, because I won't be able to log onto their site and activate the PIN system. I don't want to get another phone that isn't with Fido, because if something happened to it like this one, I wouldn't have any support. But Fido has no phones I even remotely like, and their cheapest one without signing a contract is $200 for a crappy LG. The iPhone's keyboard drives me crazy, but the other options are cool. It's just that I text A LOT, and even though the typing program is smart, I still screw up way too much. Plus I never could get used to the "buttonless" feel to it. When I had the Ming A1200 I couldn't stand not being able to text and walk at the same time.

So I splurged and went to Tiger Direct (Shittest service in the world, mind you), and bought a Refurbished, unlocked Siemens A56. Its very similar to one I had years ago, and for $19... that's right, $19 (plus $2 for a year of extra warrenty at Crappy Tiger Direct) it ain't half bad. It's no Pearl, but I betcha' I'll like it more than the battery draining iPhone.

In the meantime, I'm on the lookout for a new Blackberry Pearl 8100-8120 series, or perhaps the LG Keybo. Right now the Keybo is only offered with Telus (a non-GSM service provider), but the phone is cool, and texting on it was pretty quick.

Drunken Monsters Make No Sense!

2008-08-28T22:29:00.003-05:00

I've been trying to write a song for a couple of years now. The last one I wrote was "In Another Dimension", and ever since its been a struggle. I can write poetry, and stories, and essays... but for some reason song writing has proven to be quite difficult for me. I think it's because I keep having that syndrome that some writers have, when they feel that what they have to say isn't important enough to put on paper. My book is fantasy oriented, and thus it is "fluff"; it's not really important to the real world (save for morals and themes pertaining to world issues). But a song has to have meaning, or feeling. And every time I have strong feelings about something, I'm not in the mood to write about them. So when I feel like writing, it's often about nothing, or when I'm trying to be clever. That's what "In Another Dimension" was, well... it was being clever while saying what I wanted to say.

So finally, today I wrote two songs. I sort of just got a lyrical tune in my head and began strumming to the guitar in chords I thought would go along with the tune. Then I started to write some words down, and before I knew it I had a theme. It wasn't something I would normally write about, but I made it personal in the end. The thing is, is that it's too simple (which isn't bad, but all my other songs are simple, and I wanted to come up with something a little more complex). After writing "Drunken Monsters" I decided a little hard rock was in order. I began to play some power chords and started fooling around with lyrics. I then wrote "Makes No Sense" which is a satirical look on rock songs that lack meaning. It's full of dumb references and silly plays on words. It is probably a decent song, but I'm a little upset that I can't write about things that I think are important.

And...

2008-08-27T00:19:00.001-05:00

I got a haircut.

Good Writing

2008-08-21T11:17:00.002-05:00

I've hit a major wall in one of the books I'm writing. It isn't a writers block, so much as an editing problem. I wrote the second book, but some of my test readers found it doling on and boring. So I came up with a REALLY clever idea on how to fix it without losing most of the writing, and up to now it was turning out great. But I just hit a snag that is going to require a lot of thinking to get around. It's an issue of perspective. One of the differences between the first edit and this new one is that I've switched the narration from 3rd person to 1st, where everything is told from one man's perspective. The problem is, is there are some integral parts of the story that this person couldn't (and shouldn't) know about until much later, but that part of the story must be told NOW for the reader's sake. It simply wouldn't be good storytelling if I told this part of the tale later on, when it no longer matters.

*Sigh!*

I need a haircut.

To Sum Up July '08

2008-07-30T21:33:00.011-05:00

Now that I've updated my blogsite I should probably update my (2 or 3) fans...

I have a cough and a cold, I'm completely clean-shaven (on the face, for those of you who are picturing a completely hairless Jared), I have no tan, and my writing has turned into poetry.

"Elaborate?" you ask, surely no jest,
For you came for my skills of writing, and you shall receive the very best!
I have no intention to make jokes or use any form of rhyme,
And within my scriptures you will find no such crime...

Okay, that was bad! REALLY BAhAhAhAhAD!
(PS: You can play with the sheep if you want to.)

Let's begin with the cough and cold. Well, there really isn't much to say about that. I licked a subway pole, forgot to get my circle-circle-dot-dot shot... I got cooties. Now my voice cracks when I talk, and I haven't had a solid night's sleep in two days.

Next we have the clean-shaven thing: At work we were having a friendly mustache contest, where ridiculous facial hair was welcome. So I went into work today, razor in hand, and I shaved a riDORKulous (because the word ridonkulous has been retired in my books. This new one is my contribution) mustache and beard for myself.
Unfortunately, being sick'n'all, I got to... had to go home before the contest began. But before doing so, I spent a few hours in public with my new doo (is it "do" or "doo" or "dew" when talking about hairdo?), showing it off to the people of Quizno's, the TTC, and PJ's Pet Centre, and finally went home to do this...
I need my "Indiana Jones" stubble back, pronto! Maybe if I grit my teeth and squeeze, the hair will grow faster.

So, where were we? Ah, yes: I have no tan.
Well, you would think I would have a tan after GOING TO FLORIDA FOR A WEEK!!!
I Know!!!

I had a great time, even though four of the five days it rained; sorry, it down-poured! Hurricane Annoying hit somewhere near Florida, and we got the tail-end of it, forcing us to stay indoors, shop a lot, and see movies. whatever though, I had a relaxing, get-away-from-it-all vacation. My friend, Alison, and my mother, mom, joined me in a little R&R for a week and it was pretty friggin' good.

So What was the last thing I was going to... Ah yes, my poetry and my writing.
I've been reading The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer for a class I'll be taking in the fall, and I have to say: I'm REALLY enjoying it. I thought it would be really hard, and it turns out... only somewhat! And then I got to thinking, "Could I incorporate this style into my book?" I began to write in verse for one of the editions to my story, and I tell ya' it ain't easy rhyming and making sense at the same time. I wrote a total of 40 lines in ABABAB fashion, and it took me HOURS!!! Maybe I just need to get the hang of it, but those Thesaurus.com and Rhymezone.com sites sure need to pitch in.

Well, that's enough updating for one week I think. See you in the real world!

Oh, by the way (P.S. and such): They declared Pluto to be a Dwarf Planet, thus is no longer one of the main planets in our solar system. And they never really told us. According to Wiki (The end-all and be-all of facts), Pluto, along with Ceres, Makemake, and Eris are the Dwarf Planets within our solar system, with Sedna being the next in line to be classified as such. So the Inner Planets are Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars -- followed by a gigantic asteroid belt -- followed by the Outer Planets: Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.
It's all about perspective, ain't it?

J-ROD's Messy Facelift.

2008-07-29T21:04:00.002-05:00

It's time I made a few changes around here... As you can see.

I was just getting a little bored with the old look. Unfortunately, by deleting the old format I've also deleted all of my personal touches (The pets in the header, the music, the buttons, and the guitar section). But when I have the time I'll try to figure out how to add them again. As it so happened, the Blogger website (host) decided to upgrade their methods for creating templates and such, and the template I was using was an older format. So now I am not used to the code, and will have to relearn everything.

I am also spending as much time as possible editing the second part of my book. After receiving harsh (but accurate) feedback, I devised a great idea for a revamp. I plan to finish it before school begins again in a month, although the goal is somewhat unrealistic. We'll see though, won't we.

Notimmortal.blogspot.com is not as funny as...

2008-06-29T21:54:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I'm reading this...
You need to check out these websites that didn't think their domain names through:

1). A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name of The agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is: www.WhorePresents.com

2). 'Experts Exchange', a knowledge base where programmers can Exchange advice and views at: www.ExpertSexChange.com

3). Looking for a pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island' at: www.PenisLand.net

4) Need a 'therapist'? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
www.TheRapistFinder.com

5). Then of course, there's the ' Italian Power Generator Company' - www.PowerGenitalia.com

6). And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.MolestationNursery.com

7). If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.IPanywhere.com

8). Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
wacky website: www.SpeedoFart.com

9). Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at: www.GotAHoe.com

10). TeachersTalk: A community for teachers and student to discuss all areas of teaching… Even how to stalk teachers? www.TeacherStalk.com

11). An eBay competitor was considering the name Auctions Hit, but found it to be a shitty name: www.AuctionShit.com

12).If you’re known as Big Al, why not call your online fish supplies store for Big Al’s Online?
www.BiGalsOnline.com

13). Even if you’re company is called Cumbria Storage Systems don’t even think about calling your website: www.CumStore.co.uk

14).Anyone knows if Australian ISP WebOne does some moonlighting?
www.WeBone.com

Me At Clinton's Pub

2008-06-28T19:51:00.001-05:00

I've been caught on TV... In the audience of Catch-23, the hilarious improv show, Monday nights at Clinton's Pub.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEh3fpSO7Rk
Check it out!

Finished Stats!

2008-06-24T22:17:00.007-05:00

I just had my final exam in Statistics, and I am sooooo excited to not have to learn anything for another 2 months!!! I don't know what to do with myself. I'll have to decide that over celebratory drinks tonight at the bar.
Woooohooooo!

...

2008-06-03T22:45:00.000-05:00

Wow.

May 12, 2008

2008-05-12T10:10:00.002-05:00

Just throw everything you like into a pan and fry it all together...
That's pretty much what I did for breakfast this morning. Eggs, hot sauce, shitake mushrooms, shredded mozzarella, soya sauce, chicken bacon... scramble.

Today was supposed to be friggin' sunny out and its raining... again. Where do we live, Philadelphia? I want to play baseball in the league tonight!!! This crummy weather draws me to want to do anything that ISN'T productive. I wanted to edit the draft of my second book yesterday, but found that laying on my bed with a bowl of Goldfish crackers and watching Youtube for 3 hours was much more preferable. Grrr!!!

Tomorrow's my big first day back to school. Go Statistics! I'm just hoping it isn't as ridiculously hard as the calculus course was, especially since I need stats to take any 300 level courses in the fall.

So, I've kinda' gone on a bit here with useless points regarding my current life, but I've been trying to dodge a very difficult and sad piece of news. Last Thursday (the 8th of May) the family dog passed away. Montana (the apricot miniature poodle seen at the top bar of this page) was very dear to the family and she will be missed. I don't think I took it as poorly as my parents did, but I think in my head I was trying to rationalize the death. It's a defense mechanism I have where I psyche myself out of a difficult situation by trying to convince myself that it is just a normal part of the life cycle. That's probably a bad thing, because I'll never grieve properly, and I look so callous when it comes out.

"Don't worry, I'll still hang out around this page."

Time Travel

2008-05-07T09:44:00.001-05:00

"What do you mean it's May 8th?" I asked Gabrielle as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

But there it was on the bottom right-hand corner of her screen: May 8 2008, 9:27am. Did I slept away an entire day? That would explain why I feel so refreshed after spending last night... that is, two nights ago, how I felt so awake after pouring pints of Alexander Keith’s down my throat. I took another look at Gabrielle’s screen one more time, hoping she was just playing a prank on me. Computers do that from time to time, if only to prove that they’re not as cold hearted as we make them out to be.

“I need a shower, irregardless as to whether I slept for a whole day or only four and a half hours.” If Gabrielle could shake her screen and sigh she would. “I know, ‘irregardless’ is not a word. But I’m still half asleep and a little disoriented.”

I started the shower. Popped some antihistamines and began to think. “Is it possible I slept through an entire day? Is that why I don’t feel the usual drain and strain of drinking the night before? I need more evidence to prove that this irregular event actually happened.” The shower heated up. I nearly forgot that I was still wearing boxers and a t-shirt before hopping in.

Last night at the bar, my roommate said it was May 7, but I corrected her, I began to think. That morning I had my final exam of the year, and I knew it was set on May 6. But it felt so long ago, and come to think of it, my mother kept on calling me on the 5^th to congratulate me on finishing my exams. But that doesn’t factor into this whole weird time distortion because she simply mixed up the days on her calendar, thinking my exam was two nights ago.

The shampoo felt good on my hair. That’s right, I got a haircut just after my exam. Then I went to pick up some food for my gecko...

I couldn’t remember what happened next. It was just a matter of pulling away the cobwebs, but I was really beginning to freak out. If it really is the 8^th today, then... I just realized; I would have completely missed my night shift at work! I knew I should have charged my phone before going to bed. If anything someone would have woken me up by calling me, had my phone still had any power in its cells. But what if I really did miss an entire day? That has never happened before? I’d have to go see my doctor. And what would I say to him when he saw me? I can picture it now. “Hi doc, umm... I was wondering if you could check my temporal lobe for anomalies in my internal clock.” “Son, I don’t think the temporal lobe keeps a temporal calendar.”

Time for some body wash. Would my roommates even wake me if they knew I was asleep for an entire day? Probably not. I finished my showering as quickly as I could so that I could get to the bottom of this little problem of mine. After I got food for Duke, my gecko, I ran home (literally, since I had to pee) and then made some dinner. I went out to the bar, came home, watched two hours worth of television, and went to bed. But according to Gabrielle that was only four and a half hours ago.

I got half dressed and took a peak outside the washroom. The roommates’ doors were closed. I remembered one of them saying she had to be up around 6am for work, so why was her door closed? If it really was a day later, then that would explain why she hadn’t left for work. I looked at my watch, and it told me that 45 minutes had already passed. Time seemed to be flying now, as though making up for lost hours. A poke into her room solved at least one mystery. She wasn’t there.

The cobwebs were starting to clear. I leered at Gabrielle as I adjusted her clock. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

A Break From Studying

2008-04-26T12:56:00.002-05:00

I'm in the middle of studying at Sidney Smith Hall, and I need a break... Physiological Psychology is a lot of brain work (pardon the stupid joke).

So, I'm all moved in to the new, fabulous apartment on Brunswick Avenue, and the roomies are moving in tonight. I've had the place all to myself for three weeks now, so I have to remember not to drag my boxer's-only sleepy self into the bathroom in the morning without putting something on first.

School is dragging on. My last exam is on May 6. Grrr!!! Ah well.
So this is what I've learned so far this year....

- Cats have no "sweet" taste buds, so don't bother trying to lure them in with candy
- Jewish history is fraught with crises of identity and eternal wandering
- Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? was a good book; Mr. Sammler's Planet, not so much.
- Barthes and Sartre are not the same thing
- You can use a [DS] to portray that the [US] is available to elicit a [UR], which may come to be a [CR] if the subject comes to accept the [US] as a [CS]. ?!?
- One Old Ogre Tried Tasting A Funky Vegetable – Got Very Sick – Hospitalized
Go UofT!!!
“If they found out what I really was, they’d skin me alive and dissect me; either that or they’d throw a chain around my neck and display me alongside their other rare monster collections.
I had to act fast. If I could just hide my features – tear off the outer lining of my face – they wouldn’t know what I was. I could act like a common animal; an elephant or something. Yes, I would pass as a baby elephant, but not for long.
Shoot! I’m still wearing my glasses! Where can I hide them... where? This block of ice will have to do.
I long for the day when I can roam free as a long-necked dragon without fear of being slaughtered.”
-- A segment of my dream last night... weird, eh?

Don't you dare auto-correct my sushi!

2008-02-09T00:15:00.000-05:00

I dared to make sushi...again. Salmon, a.k.a. 鮭, a.k.a. Sake. 20 rolls with wasabi and carrots, and a hand-roll. I'm getting quite good at it, although I'm starting to think that the restaurants add something to the salmon; perhaps a sugar-butter coating. My salmon (fresh from Dominion) was quite bland. It was a good thing the rice, seaweed, and wasabi perked it up a little.

I'm reading Oliver Sacks' "The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat" even though I have 3 midterms, 2 assignments, and 1 oral presentation due next week. But it's a pretty good book. Within each chapter Sacks tells the story of one of his cases where a psychological abnormality affects people's lives. In the first instance a college professor and talented musician makes ridiculous mistakes in identification, but does not see a problem. His disability lies in being unable to recognize the whole from its parts. At one instance he is petting a fire hydrant, thinking it to be a schoolboy, and in another instance he's trying to lift his wife's head from her body, mistaking it to be a hat on a coat rack. Although it may seem humorous at first, it becomes increasingly devastating to his lifestyle, yet vastly interesting to a psychologist. There was nothing wrong with his eyes, but specific centers in his brain were malfunctioning. He simply could not recognize faces any longer, not even his own. It is a fascinating read, and I truly recommend it to even the psychological layman.

I've been watching Dexter... Good show. I'm on the last episode of the first season. I have so many things to watch right now, and watching t.v. is so low on my list of priorities (yet so high on my list of desires). I bought Across The Universe, because I loved it so much in the theaters, and I had Stardust taped for me as well. FRIG!!! My friggin' spell checker is insisting on the US spelling, and I can't change it! Take this spell-check...
labour...
colour...
armour...
behaviour...
had enough? calibre... centre... defence... doughnut... endevour... favour... you want some more? fuelling... grey... honour... judgement... licence... litre... manoeuvre... meagre... metre... moustache... offence... Can't take anymore? parlour... pyjamas... rigour... saviour... savour... sceptical... sulphur... tumour... I think I killed my spell-check. But just in case... vigour! Yup, it's dead.

Last Day Off / Last Five Minutes

2008-01-06T20:23:00.000-05:00

My vacation has winded down, and tomorrow I'm back in school. I should say that I've had a pretty good past few weeks. I've tried to get in all I could and see as many people as possible, with more than moderate success. And now it's time to go back into hiding as Psychology and English make their attempt to ram more information into my brain.

I still haven't received my grades, and am still on three waiting lists. I wish UofT paperwork went through a lot faster.

So here are my classes for second semester:

Physiological Psychology (Yes, those are two different words)

Learning Psychology (aka, the Psychology of Learning)

(II trap) erutaretiL hsiweJ

and, tentatively...

Critical Approaches to Literature (If my 3 of 50 standing on the waiting list goes through)

Hey, here's a question... Does anyone still read blogs now that Facebook has become the dominant way of keeping in contact with one another? I mean, if someone wants to know how I'm doing, they need only look me up on the F'Book. Do people still use MSN Messenger? ICQ? Hotmail? DOS?

Maybe my blogs should be less about me, and more fiction. Okay, here goes:

"I knew I shouldn't have said that to Mr. Creed, but hey, it was my last five minutes on Earth anyway. What did I have to lose?

"My arm was getting tired from holding up a sawed-off shotgun for the last seven and a half minutes, but dropping it meant a premature death. And what was I holding on too, but five -- make that four minutes and forty-three seconds of gut wrenching, heart pounding adrenaline? Why did I need those extra seconds of life? So that I could spit the blood from my gums into the face of Mr. Creed, and relay my typical 'go to Hades' catch phrase as the last words I ever utter?

"My forehead sat between at least three cross-hairs, all in front of the watchful eyes of Creed's personal security. Should I so much as flinch my trigger finger, the entire floor would be scattered with the remains of my face, and to think when I combed my hair this morning it looked perfect! At least I was going to go out with a bang.

"No one else in the galaxy had ever accomplished the impossible task of bedding Mrs. Creed, the most beautiful and exotic woman known to man. I'll be known throughout every bar and tavern as the one who slipped through the cracks of Creed's vigilant alertness. My face will be the one he will always see at the corner of his eye, when he suspects his wife is cheating. My name will be placed in every joke written against him to piss him off. I will be the one who makes him... oops, times up."

BLAM!!!

This story was loosely based on a dream I had several nights ago.

I'm free!!!...for now.

2007-12-19T01:23:00.000-05:00

Phew! Last exam... Finicimo!
And it's about time too. I had the last exam of the last hour on the last day at a school that is finished one week after every other school. Hey, I deserve a run-on sentence here and there. After all, I've been writing proper diction for nearly three months. You know what the best part of being done is? I can look at those books I had to read during the semester and say, "I never have to look at you EVER AGAIN!!" Mind you some of them were quite interesting. We read "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" in our Sci-Fi class, and it was quite good.
Okay, no more school talk for another few weeks. Let's concentrate on the things that really matter, like X-mas parties and presents!!! Those of you who don't know what to get me, look at my wish list below (PS, everything in it is expensive, heh heh!!). Actually, and this happens every year, whilst (is whilst another word for "while"?) shopping for other people's gifts, I found a thousand things I'd want, and nothing for my friends.
Anyway, In January I'm going on what I call "Uncle Jim's Detox Program". Y'see, my manager Jim (who also runs the Booze Bros website) goes on a no-alcohol diet for the entire month. I think he cuts out caffeine as well, and I'm going to minimize my intake of that. I think it's a good idea, and what better time to do it than after New Years Eve, and before school starts to require long coffee-induced nights of study?
So that's all for now. Hope to see everyone during my break, and may everyone get lots of useful gifts this year instead of things like sweaters with a knitted gingerbread man on it, or chocolate with either coconut or raisins in it. Blech! <-- that "ch" sound should be pronounced like you're Jewish.

Checkin' In.

2007-11-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm still alive. School's good, although the business side of UofT is quite annoying. There are many things they don't tell you about and you are expected to discover yourself, and many more that seemingly bite you in the ass because you never figured them out. Coming from College where you choose your second semester courses during first semester, I never knew that the whole year was supposed to be planned in September. Thus I never picked any second semester courses and am now on a bunch of waiting lists for winter's courses. Then, while picking these courses I found out that some aren't offered unless you pick a field of study (ie: an English Major), but you can't just sign up for some of them. So in order for me to continue to choose some courses I had to enroll myself in a random field of study (I think I'm currently a History Major) so that I can add myself to more waiting lists. Then, in order for OSAP to come through I was required to have at least three courses per semester, but since I was on waiting lists, my second semester consists of one course. So I added random courses to fill the requisite for OSAP; courses that no one wants and weren't wait-listed. So even though I'm striving to be an English-Psychology Major, I am currently an English-History Major taking a Biostatistics course for no reason next semester. All b/c the business side of university is .... is..... stupid!

Are you lost yet? Cause I am.
But my marks are decent, and I'm learning. Alrighty, see you all on Faceboob.

S-Cool.

2007-09-09T10:39:00.000-05:00

Well kids... it is very likely that this will be my last post in quite some time. School starts tomorrow, and I have a feeling I'm going to be reading 7 novels at a time, and writing 3 essays before the day is out. I'm trying to prepare for school as best I can... I've beaten all the video games I own so I'm not tempted to play, and I've watched every movie in my collection six times. I mastered guitar in only two hours, and I've completed my book (with editing and publishing). There is nothing that can distr... hey, someone messaged me on facebook!

Tomorrow's classes are Calculus! (Yes, there is an exclamation point in the course title), and Sci-Fi Literature. I'm not sure how well I'll do in that one. They'll probably ask me to compare Zircon's feelings after he shyts his drawers in the FiggleWiggle Nebula, with the tenticle-man's feelings after he eats a whole bowl of galaxy twizzlers. I think most of the students will be from a galaxy of their own.

Anyway, wish me luck (the good kind)... and I'll see you in a semester!

SFX Fan Convention

2007-08-27T10:17:00.000-05:00

Every year Toronto hosts a convention where game/comic/art/other enthusiasts can congregate, and shop around for some of the best merchandise out there. I've been a number of times, and each year it gets bigger. Of all the people who attend, nearly 50% of them dress up in some type of costume; be it just a Superman T-shirt, or a full blown Chaotic Space Marine costume with working chainsaw and lights. Unfortunately, about 20% of everyone who went had severe odor issues. Luckily the centre was well ventilated. I was surprised to see how many women showed up to this thing; most of them dressed as either Chun-Li or a Naruto character.

Signing autographs this year were Jonathan Frakes, Robert Beltran, Adam West, David Prowse, Jake Lloyd, Malcolm McDowell, and a few others. But as I was walking by the signing booths, there sat Dwight Schultz, waiting to give me his autograph. Now, I don't usually go for the autograph bit. It isn't really my thing. But I wanted to tell him how much I enjoy his acting. He used to make me laugh in Star Trek, and I appreciated the non-seriousness of it all. On top of that, just look at all the voice work he's done (in the Internet Movie Database).

Other points of interest were the Guitar Hero setup (where there was this guy on stage who was rockin' the place, with a large audience in front of him), artist booths (where comic book artists sold their original print pieces that would later become comic pages), a horror (section where you could get crazy contact lenses or a zombie makeover), a huge PC game LAN setup (so that 50 people can play one game at the same time), and there was even a few aspiring writers, trying to promote their books.

All-in-all it was fun, although quite dorky. I did pick up a few trinkets; one being the entire script to "Big Fish". Maybe next time I'll bring some of my old junk I want to get rid of, and pass it off to the next collector!

Dumb Facts...

2007-08-15T22:29:00.002-05:00

Did you know that... (according to a semi-reliable website)

-- The top six reasons for being late for work are 1) traffic. 2) oversleeping. 3) procrastination. 4) Chores. 5) Car Trouble. 6) Having Sex.

--The odds of a mother having twins are about 90 to 1 (go mom and dad!) I don't believe this one all that much, considering it does not account for fraternal or identical twins, or those events where twins are found in every other generation of some families.

--Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour

--The U.S. Government will not allow portraits of living persons to appear on stamps

--In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed. Well, I heard this one a little differently. I was told that they shook their right hands to prevent themselves from drawing their weapon during a greeting.

--In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. I knew this one already. Seinfeld has a Superman magnet, and a superman figurine on his shelf behind the table.

--Floccinaucinihilipilification is the longest non-medical term in the English language. It is deifned as the declaration of an item being useless. And here I thought Antidisestablishmentarianism was the longest word. I guess it's a tie. (For those of you who actually counted the letters {I'm guessing Karen, and maybe Ronni} and care as to what the latter word meant, I believe it to be the concept of a person who is against things that cannot be authorized, or constituted.

--The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” uses every letter of the alphabet. That is why it is used to visualize fonts.

--Gum on postage stamps have from two to eight calories

--When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year. Hmm... interesting.

--Pound for pound (kilo for kilo), hamburgers cost more than new cars

--Dr. Seuss coined the word “nerd” in his 1950 book “If I Ran the Zoo”

--The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the United States. Well, won't their face be red when they read about the commandments.

--Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

--Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy

--Starfish have eight eyes; one at the end of each leg

--Hydrogen can be a metal, but it is only in a solid state under extreme conditions such as being in the core of Jupiter!

--Termites can’t digest wood, the protozoa in their stomach (they eat them when they are younger) actually are the devourers of the wood. I actually learned this in microbiology.

--A person would die if all of the toxic ingredients of one cigarette were directly injected into the bloodstream. Go fig...

--In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow 2 meters of nose hair.

The Book, Concert, Weekend, Dream, and Hallows

2007-08-10T09:31:00.001-05:00

The Book:

I printed off a few copies of the first two books in my series, so that I can have them edited by a few friends. Already, I realize that I still have a long way to go. I was conversing with Victor, who had only read the first three pages, and he stumbled upon a possibly huge flaw in my work. It pertains to the perspective switch over just after the second paragraph. At first it appears as though there is someone (possibly with great knowledge of the world where my book takes place) who is telling the story. It is as though they lived through the ordeal, and are reiterating the story in first person. Then it suddenly switches to third person, as though there is no narrator whatsoever. I actually did it on purpose for reasons of my own, but perhaps I need to take a better look at it.

The Concert:

Incubus was playing at the Molson Amphitheatre, but I didn't buy any tickets. It was partly because the people I wanted to go with were unable, and the people who wanted to go had already purchased tickets. Earlier on I heard that my manager Sean had received free tickets, so as a (semi)joke I said, "well if you have no one to go with, I'd love to see Incubus." He said "sure", but had in mind to go with his girlfriend. Well... The evening before they were to play, Sean had something come up, and gave me the tickets. What a guy! So I took my sister, and we had a blast. It was a great performance, although I kinda' wish they chose better songs; especially for the encore. Either way it was fun.

The Weekend:

Alison's birthday was on the second, so she invited my up to Cambridge for the weekend. I had already begun the week with outings that involved lots of drinking -- A friend nearby had a house warming party on the first, and another friend was singing at a local bar. On Thursday was the concert, and then on Friday, Ali came down to T-Dot to pick me and her friend Adrian up. We went up back up to her hometown, and drank the night away. At one point we were mixing anything we could find into a blender, and drinking it. One of the Daiquiri-like concoctions worked out. That was probably why I had such a crazy dream that night. The next day was a lot of sitting around, but the evening was much like the first... booze and booze. We took a limo with seven other friends (and family) back to Toronto where we were scheduled to party at Inside Nightclub. As it happened, I had a hook-up. Sean's brother is a coordinator for the clubs, and got us in Inside without the line-up, without cover, and a bunch of drink tickets. Well, it didn't go exactly as planned, but we still had fun.

The Dream:

There were about fifteen of us, and we were trying to break into this high security building for a large gemstone of some sort. The stone wasn't what we were actually after; but it was a lost link to a treasure beyond our dreams. We were able to sneak in through a series of abandoned tunnels below the building, and nearly had our hands on the item. But one of us was a traitor who gave us away. I was handcuffed, and we were to be sent to jail. But being the skilled thief that I was, I escaped the handcuffs, and fled. I remember the seasons changing a lot during the dream, as it would suddenly go from summer to winter. Also, there was definitely a love interest in this little story, but I can't remember the details. Ah well...

The Hallows:

I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows yesterday. I certainly took my time reading it, but I wanted to soak the whole thing in. Don't worry, there are no spoilers for anyone who hasn't read it yet.

The book wraps things up quite nicely, although there are certainly some parts that didn't seem all that feasible. But hey, its a fantasy, right?

Coming out of the entire series, I'd have to say that my favourite character all along was Severus Snape. Of all the characters, Snape seemed to be the most three dimensional. Rowling really captured his essence throughout the novels.

Lennox

2007-08-01T20:07:00.000-05:00

Dina and I were walking down Bathurst street to meet up with Sarah for her birthday (happy birthday, Sarah), and when we got to a street called Lennox, I saw something quite out of the ordinary.

It moved from the corner of my eye, and when I went in for a closer look, I realized there was a newborn... something.

There, at my feet wobbled an infant animal of some sort. He was lying right there on the sidewalk, abandoned by his mother. His eyes weren't even open yet! I didn't know what to do. It was 8:30pm and when I called Humane Society, they were closed; although the emergency operator gave me instructions. She said to take the animal in for the night, and call animal aide or humane society when they open at 9am. They may be able to pick him up. So I placed Lennox (I named him after the street I found him) in a box lined with a dry cloth, and put it under a heat lamp in my room. He yawned a few times, and played with his feet. He was sooo cute (and healthy to my knowledge). Dina looked online and discovered he was a squirrel. She was a little disappointed; hoping it to be something like a cat or dog. It certainly didn't look like a squirrel. After spending the night, I had no choice but to take Lennox to work work with me (since I worked at 9:00, and that was when the humane society opened), in a box so no one would see him. Once I reached work I called animal services, and they told me to put the squirrel back where I found it, and the mother would pick it up. If it didn't, they'd have to come get it and put it to sleep. Those d*cks! I mean... yeah, it's a friggin' squirrel and T.O. doesn't exactly need more of 'em. But he was just an infant! And he was so helpless. I then called humane society, who mentioned they take in stray wild animals. What a relief. Unfortunately, they closed at 5pm and I wasn't even off 'till 6ish!! What else could prevent me from helping the poor kid? Finally, Christine from work was good enough to take Lennox with her to visit her sister, who lives near the humane society. Hopefully they will be able to nourish the squirrel, and return it to the wild.

Of Courses.

2007-07-21T12:30:00.000-05:00

It is almost time to pick my courses for school. I've scanned the calendar back and forth, and have picked out a few routes I could pursue. I find the whole process ridorkulously confusing (I've laid 'ridonkulous' to rest and replaced it with a new, hip counterpart. So if you hear anyone saying 'ridorkulous', they got it from me!). Some POSts (program of study) are quite asinine and meticulous as to what you have to take. For instance, (BEWARE: MIND BOGGLE AHEAD) I'm thinking of majoring in Engrish (did he write that by accident?), so they require that I take a course at the 100 level, and only one will count, but not the ENG101 course. Then I need at least two in the 300 level. Plus I need seven in total, which can come from the following... At least 0.5 from group 1, one from group 2, one from group 3, two from group 4, and one from group 5. But these groups pertain to certain fields of English. So group 3 deals with cultures and different views, like "Jewish Literature in English". Group 5 is the "Fiction" section. But all of these groups range in levels from 200 to 400. BAH!

My minors would possibly be Psychology, Math, or VicOne (a program that'll help you get into UofT's teacher's college).

I'm sure once I've begun, things will be less confusing, and more intense. Yippee.

So let's move on to the dumb-dumb section:

I saw Transformers the day Harry Potter came out, because I had a theatre to myself. Great movie; funny, but not too cheesy. It was comparable to ID4 when it came out in the theatres back in the 90's. The effects were amazing, and not too over processed, but some of the fight scenes left you in a daze wondering what just happened.

I haven't seen the Potter film yet. Since I read the book, I know what happens. I'll just wait until the theatres die out a little before I go. There's nothing worse than a packed theatre full of talkers and candy throwers when you're trying to watch a movie you really want to see on the big screen.

And one more thing...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM! YOU ARE 45 AS OF JULY 20 AND STILL KICKING. Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who do not know Jim, he is my service manager at the Dill Hole, and is a co-founder of the Booze Bros website.

Explain This Dream...

2007-07-10T10:12:00.001-05:00

I think this entry should also appear in my "What Dreams May Come" section, still available for viewing down in the 'buttons' section of my blog.

I just woke up from a somewhat routine dream, where I was at a Casino after car jacking a black luxury sedan with some dude I never met. After seeing Noah win like, $400 at a poker table, I decided to look around and see if there was a game I could win. While dodging the semi-busy crowd, I bumped into a blonde girl, who asked to go head to head with me on one of the casino games. I didn't know how to play the one she pointed at, but thought 'why not'. As we went to exchange our money for casino tokens, we introduced ourselves. Well, I introduced myself; I called myself J.D. (Jared David). She didn't want to give her real name. I said, "well what should I call you?" She scanned her mind for names she liked and came up with a few.

"You could call me D.J., or Stephanie... or I suppose you could call me Michelle," she said. I liked the name Michelle, so I decided to call her by that name, even though I could tell she didn't like that one as much.

The dream ended only a few seconds later. I got up to go to the washroom, and as I did I began to recall the dream.

"Why would she not want to use her real name?" I thought to myself. "And why Stephanie, D.J., or Michelle? Besides... D.J. is an 80's name that made you think of that show Full House. Come to think of it Michelle was another name on... WAIT!!"

I suppose I should make something clear before I go any further. Until now I had COMPLETELY forgotten about that show and its characters. I never really liked the episodes, and watched other things when I could. And now, suddenly, my own mind decides to play a trick on me via my dreams. I wasn't even positive the last Full House girl was Stephanie until I Googled it.

So this brings up some interesting questions about the mind and subconscious:

How is it that information that is long forgotten is sometimes recalled in a dream? Does this mean that the subconscious mind can tap into the vast resourses of your brain; resourses unavailable to you during your conscious state? Well I suppose if I thought really hard about it, I could have come up with the three names.

But in the dream the blonde haired girl seemed to be thinking for only a second while she came up with those names, and at NO POINT in my dream did I clue in to where those names came from.

So perhaps it is like one of those Twilight Zone / Outer Limits episodes: We are not actually in control of our dreams. There is another entity that co-exists with us, that taps into our brains for information, and creates a scenario to live in for the six hours we sleep. Everytime it needs more information to fill the gaps, it scans your brain for familiar objects or instances, leaving you without control.

Maybe not... but it sure seems more plausible than my own mind pulling the wool over my eyes.

Perhaps that subconscious mind really does operate independantly from the waking mind. I don't know... An thoughts?

A Space Between

2007-07-06T23:59:00.001-05:00

So... how many of my blog entries begin with "So"?

So I went to see a play written by and starring a friend of mine. Sarah Dryden entered "A Space Between" into the Fringe Festival, and it is currently playing at Factory Theatre at the corner of Adelaide and Bathurst.

The play revolved around a troubled girl who collected many things in jars; be it buttons and tennis balls, to memories and sensations. It is unknown at first why she is so obsessively hoarding such things until the plot unravels during her conversations with her brother and father.

The touching story has the observer journeying through moments of hilarity, sadness, and compassion for the characters. Very few kinks needed to be ironed out after this first performance, like technical issues involving visible mouse pointers and cued sounds. Overall I give it nine clutter-filled jars out of ten.

If you wish to see Sarah's work, she is performing again on:

Sat, July 7 @ 7:45pm

Mon, July 9 @ 7:00pm

Wed, July 11 @ 12:30pm

Thu, July 12 @ 9:30pm

Fri, July 13 @ 2:00pm

Sat, July 14 @ 3:30pm

same location, only $8.

LO-O-O-O-NER-R-R-R!!!

2007-07-05T21:31:00.001-05:00

It's been a blah sorta' week, what with no events to boost sales at work. Since there are no events in town (oh.. sorry, the circus is in town... no really... but they haven't drawn much of a crowd) we're not getting any guests in the bar; so in turn I'm making very little dough. This means that I can't spend a lot, or go out for a few drinks with friends. So here I am at home on a thursday night, while the crew is out drinking at the Fox 'n' Fiddle and singing at Open Mic night. Really, I've been going out enough as it is. I'm just happy I finally found the one video game I've been looking for, for almost ten years. I don't even use my playstation all that much anymore, but I found FINAL FANTASY TACTICS!!!! The rare, impossible to find kick-ass game that spawned a counterpart for Gameboy. For those of you that knew me back when I went to Centennial College, you may remember me mentioning what I did to pass the time during those long bus rides to school. No, it wasn't studying, stupid; I played FFT Advance for gameboy, and racked up about 245 hours on the thing. Yes, two hundred and fourty five hours of gameplay in total. Don't believe me? I still have the game saved! Oh, I get it... I'm a dork. Well, if you played this open ended, create-your-own team of heroes game, I'm sure you'd never get bored of it either.

So you can see why I wanted to find the original game so badly. I'd just better finish the game before University begins, or I'm done for.

In the meantime, here are a few personals I'd like to hand out:

Karen, I'm glad you're adapting well to Dubai. I give you credit for being so ballsy in the first place.

Bryan, tell Nikka she's still ugly.

Dad, happy birthday... again.

Ronni, were you still on the clock when you played that game on facebook where you write down a friend for every letter in the alphabet, then answer questions related to your choices? Ah... Salary work is great.

Dina, don't worry... I didn't put a fake spider in your room for when you return.

Dimitri, hey. I know you're reading this.

MORE BUTTONS!!!

2007-06-24T11:52:00.000-05:00

I thought it was time I updated the side buttons a little. I got rid of the DMC Forum, since it sorta' died when facebook emerged. I left the button at the bottom where my "Buttons" section lies, in the event that someone wants to continue visiting Dimitri's baby.
I also added a button leading to Karen Scutt's blog. There she portrays the wonder tales and sites she experiences in Dubai, her new place of residence. Read on as you discover the trials and tribulations of a young Caucasian woman in another realm.
The BoozeBros button takes you to a website where the theme is Booze, BBQ, and Babes. Created by my friend and co-worker Jim Ruel, and his brother the brain surgeon; the site's main focus is on rating and critiquing beers, talking about guy stuff, and looking at pin-ups (the clean kind). Join now and rate any beer you choose.
Hey!! How did facebook find its way onto my blog?!? Dangit! ...Alright, so I caved. There is a link button leading you to crackbook... I mean facebook, should you be interested.
Finally, I thought to update the "Jrod's Blog" and "My Art" buttons on some of the pages.
A new list has been added under the "What I'm Learning" column. I've written three songs since I began guitar lessons, so I thought I'd list those as well.
Alrighty, enjoy!

End of Book II

2007-06-12T00:03:00.000-05:00

I did it... just now, at 1:01am on June 12 2007. I finished the first draft of the second book in my fiction series.

Yes, there is still a lot of HEAVY editing to do, as I'm sure I was half asleep at the wheel during some parts of the book's creation. But for now I can say that I have completed the second part of a (minimum) four part story. For fun I wanted Microsoft to give me the word count of the first draft...

104 letter size pages, 58 991 words, 266 794 characters (not including spaces), 326 910 characters (including spaces), 1 720 paragraphs, 4 720 lines. Isn't that outragious?!? that means I hit the space bar at least 60 000 times during the creation of this chapter. Man, my laptop is sure getting its usage in.

Finally Time To Relax

2007-05-30T00:20:00.000-05:00

Finally, a little time to breathe!
The last few weeks have been hectic, considering I moved into my new apartment (and dealt with all the junk that comes with that, like calling everyone about my new address), getting EXTREMELY sick, and recovering just in time for my brother’s wedding.

I had caught a virus the Monday before the wedding; the doc said it was likely a virus, rather than the suspected cold or strep throat. I had the shakes, cold spells, hot flashes, sweats, aches, fever, hallucinations, hunger, nausea, sensitivity to light, a really sore throat, phlegm, blood in my hork (eeewwww!!), and a pimple next to my nose. Luckily everything was cleared up for last Saturday… the big day for my brother.

And how was the wedding? It went quite well, actually. I mean, there were some pitfalls we nearly didn’t dodge, and a few things went wrong (like Daniel being called “David” twice by the minister at the alter). But everyone knows there is no such thing as a perfect day. Besides, the weather was good, the bride was beautiful, and the food was great. What else does one need?
I’m just glad I didn’t screw up on my speech. I was nervous, and it didn’t help that my voice had not recovered entirely from my virus. I was afraid it would crack or something. It seems that people want me to put up my speech, so I’ll post it at the end of this blog for everyone to read.

Now that everything has finished, maybe I’ll pick up the writing again. I’m almost finished the segment out of seven or so parts. It’s coming along now.

THE WEDDING SPEECH

Before I begin I’d like to thank Daniel for asking me to be his best man, it is an incredible honour. I would also like to thank Christina for allowing Daniel to ask me.

Thank you,
For those of you who don't know me I'm Daniel’s older brother, and I’d appreciate it if you called me by my full name, which is . . . 'Jared, can I buy you a drink'. Feel free to come up and talk to me later on. I'll be around the bar area.

I’m a little nervous. I’ve never actually had to make a wedding speech before. Thankfully, I was given a few pointers and the first thing I found out was that the speech should be no longer than the time it takes for the groom to make love.
(Look at watch)
So since I’m a bit overdue I should probably wrap things up.

In all honesty, being the best man is a hard task to perform. A lot is required of me. For instance:
I have to make sure the groom makes it to the service on time, and looking as sober as possible.
I have to be sure there is nothing between his teeth… or was it his ears? Either way I think we’re good.
But the greatest task a best man performs is embarrassing the groom during his speech. Actually (laugh), Daniel said that if I skipped this part he would let me be the best man at his next wedding, so…
(fingers crossed)

When I first found out that Daniel was engaged to Christina, my heart skipped a beat. I remember the exact moment, and could recall exactly what I was thinking.
You see, when we were growing up I was always the first to face the experiences life had to offer.
I was the first to have a bar mitzvah,
I was the first to kiss a girl,
I was the first to make it into high school,
I was the first to move out of the house.
In a way, I always felt that I was supposed to be the example… the model that he was told to emulate.
But when I found out that he was going to be MARRIED, I was incredibly happy for him. Because now I know that my little brother has grown up, and that he is the example that I should emulate.

Christina… I regret that I have not spent enough time with the two of you to be able to be able to come up some great stories to share, so instead I will take the time to tell everyone all the joys I’ve seen in Daniel since you came into his life.

I remember talking to him on the phone just after he returned from Florida. He couldn’t wait to tell me he met someone there, and that she made him very happy. He wanted me to meet you almost right away.
Every time he mentioned you from that day forth, it was as though he already had a permanent place for you in his heart. Even early in the relationship he spoke about you like he knew that one day you would become his bride.
I remember sitting down with him after the two of you were engaged. I asked him, “are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure she’s right for you?”
And he looked at me with the straightest face I’ve ever seen on him, and said, “she makes me so happy. I’m so lucky to have found her.”
And from then on I knew from the look in his eyes that he had followed his heart.

And here we all are. Today we celebrate the union of two families through the untouchable love that Christina and Daniel share. So before I go I would like to impart a few words of advice.

Daniel: If there is one thing you must not forget to do, it is to set the ground rules, and establish who is boss in the relationship. Then do everything Christina says.
And Christina: I have two pieces of advice for you. If Daniel ever says anything that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of them makes you sad or angry, he meant the other one.
And the last thing is… this is important… whenever possible, please say what you have to say during commercials.

With that being said, I would like to invite you all to raise your glasses to the new Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro. May you enjoy the fruits of a bountiful and long life together, and may god bless everything that you do.

First Night.

2007-05-15T00:55:00.000-05:00

This is my first official night in the Manning apartment. I've moved everything in, and am sleeping here tonight. The move went relatively well; thanks again for your help Noah, Dina, Byron, Kevin, and Dad. Unfortunately I somehow lost the curtain rods, so anyone looking in can see me dancing to the Aqua album in my underwear... shyeah right!

Although I'm further away from so many of my old friends, I've found I'm much closer to others. Hopefully the location won't deter me from seeing the North York / Scarborough crew. I'm going to try my best to stay in touch. I even went to a bonefire party tonight to meet up with the old roomies, and some other ex-Jack employees. T'was a good night.

So like... I went to a Pleasantville Public School reunion that we put together on Facebook (hehe), and it was like, totally awesome. I got to see people I haven't seen in 15 years! Funny how everyone looks the same with a few wrinckles added to them. I'm always interested on how people turned out. We always thought this one guy was going to be a professional baseball player, but he's doing the lawyer thing instead.

Alrighty, now that everything is almost in its place here, I've gotta focus on my brother's wedding next week. I have the speech prepared, but I need to practice it a little more diligently. Plus I must not forget to register a gift. I wanna give them something completely useless, just for the fun of it. "Here Daniel, I got you stickers for your bathtub so you don't slip in there! Isn't that exciting?"

Hotspot at Second Cup, and only an hour to update the blog.

2007-04-20T12:43:00.000-05:00

It is a gorgeous 21 degrees outside, and I don't have to start work until 4pm. So I suppose I should take the time to update the ol' blog a little bit.

I've actually been quite busy with the hustle and bustle of finding a place to live, deciding on school, working, writing, guitar practice, speech writing (yes Daniel, prepare for embarrassment), and a bunch of other, smaller things that seem to occupy my time. By the way, does anyboy know what a proper best man speech should include? So far I have a lot of material that'll be sure to embarrass Daniel as well as adding a little comedy, and I have a tiny bit of sentiment and "remember the time..." stories. I'm actually having trouble coming up with tasteful things to say, as I am naturally the comedian.

I actually looked on various websites for speech ideas, but many of them were too disrespectful for my taste. One speech began with, "I'm going to keep this speech short because of my throat. If I talk too long the bride said she would cut it." Now, I find that pretty funny, but some may not. I want to censor the speech enough so that it doesn't have to include things like sexism or bigotry.

Anyway...

So work is getting busier, what with the Jays and a number of concerts in town. Christina Aguilera is next week, but the last time she was in town she didn't bring in a large crowd. We'll see. Work is actually shutting down for a whole week for renovations. We're also changing the menu around, and it looks like something to look forward to. As it is now, I struggle everytime I wanto to find something to eat on the menu. Frankly, right now it sucks...balls. But soon we'll have (pardon my spelling on this one..) Antijitos, rotisserie chicken, and this plate called the "Big man's dish" which includes 6 wings, ribs, chicken, and mashed potatoes. That alone will cost $22, but for what you get you could feed an army of obese soldiers. I know it's tacky to be so enthusiastic about a restaurant menu, but how would you like to be working at a place where you hate ALL of the merchendise? Everytime someone asks me what is good, I either have to lie, or I could just lie, or if I'm feeling truthful... I could lie. "Yeah.. those soft chicken tacos are great... if you minus the corn, cilantro crema, and everything else but the chicken and tortillas."

I'm working on a third song in my musical repertoire. I've got the notes down, but the lyrics are giving me a world of trouble. I'm just not a poetic guy, and half the time my words come out too simple for my taste. I may as well be the fourth singer for Sharron, Lois, and Bram. "One elephant went out to play..." I find song writing to be extremely hard, seeing as I won't tolerate crappy music. If I spend weeks writing something and it turns out sounding like sh!t, I'll just trash it. But once in a while I come upon a crazy-good idea (like the one I wrote called "better off as friends"). I just realized that 90% of the people I work with are artistically inclined, half of them being musicians. I was graced with a CD containing the talented voice of my friend Alexandra. It's hard to believe she isn't famous with a voice like that.

I suppose it's pretty funny (and not so satisfying) seeing all these artists working serving jobs. We have singers, drummers, guitarists, pianists, painters, dancers, comedians, actors, good actors, writers, and some many other talents. And most of them are above average in their skill. I know one thing is for certain... If ever I become rich and famous enough to have the influence, I would call up all my friends and put together a project that will bring them to fame. If I ever finish my book, and (hopefully) it becomes so popular that Holleywood wants to make a movie out of it, I will try my best to bring aboard all of my friends and their talents to complete the project.

Okay, enough is enough for one day... besides, I only paid for an hour's worth of internet time. I just hope that I don't accidentally press the "back" button after writing so much, and lose everything (don't you HATE when you do that?)

A busy Summer... and some Passover

2007-04-03T21:12:00.000-05:00

Not having internet really isn't that bad. Without it I had to resort to the older methods of research. By the way, betcha' didn't know what an enpsychopedia is, but I do.

Anyway, all I was really doing was checking my facebook, and downloading episodes of Heroes and Smallville.

So I've been accepted into UofT, which most of you know by now, for a General Arts program. I'm going to wait a little longer to see if I get accepted into any other programs, like the Behavioural Sciences.

And with working downtown and possibly going to school there, I'm trying to find a place to rent within the region. Of course most places are quite expensive. Guess it's going to be a busy next couple of months. I have to find a place to live, speak to school and OSAP, plan for my brother's wedding, try to get in as much writing as possible before I have to put my book on the back burner, and most importantly... I have to stay on top of my facebook profile!!! I'm kidding, but what a stupid addiction!

In light of Passover, I have a few jokes for you...

---

Q: Why do we have an Haggadah at Passover?

A: So we can Seder right words.

---

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this?!!"

---

Viagra is banned during Pesach, along with all other agents causing things to rise.

Another blackout

2007-03-17T14:03:00.000-05:00

Well... It's been a while since I last posted. Probably because we no longer have internet at home. Apparently one of our computers (probably my old one) had a virus on it that, though did not affect my CPU, it significantly slowed down the Rogers high speed for EVERYONE ELSE IN THE AREA!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! All my neighbors could no longer download porn. Ah well. So we decided that since it is unlikely we'd be living in the Manor for much longer, we may as well cancel the internet anyway.

So here I am at an internet cafe, typing away on a crappy keyboard with thick, small keys. If you've ever typed on my keyboard at home you'd know exactly why I miss it, and feel quite uncomfortable with this standard one. I can already feel my wrists hurt.

So I've been accepted into UofT for a general arts course, which is great... And hopefully soon I can get my life underway. I'm a little scared about finding a new place to live though. I need to find one in about a month.

Okay, that's it for now. I need to spend the rest of my internet time making sure my accounts aren't deleted due to inactivity.

Chow... Ciao.... how do you spell "Chow"?

My Art Update

2007-02-24T01:27:00.000-05:00

I have updated "My Art"... there is a new sketch in there.

The past almost caught me.

2007-02-17T22:21:00.000-05:00

I nearly bumped into someone from my past this evening, and it sent me into a series of emotions. I saw her before she could see me, and I panicked... I ducked the other way and left in a hurry. Why did I do that? After years of dealing with my feelings towards her, I thought I was once again in control. Apparently not.

I obviously still have a great deal of love for this girl if after years without her in my life, I still panic at first sight. I guess I'm still not ready to have that 'So, how have you been' conversation. Maybe I don't want to know how well she's doing without me, or maybe I don't want to tell her how poorly I'm doing without her. Well... that isn't entirely the case, but anyone can tell you how crazy thoughts can easily sneak into a person's head under such circumstances.

She looked good though. Really good.

PWA HAHAHAHAHA!!!

2007-02-04T23:58:00.000-05:00

Yes, most of these were stolen.. but they're funny!

2007-02-04T22:30:00.000-05:00

Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Do cannibals find clowns funny tasting?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Big Projects, Big Disappointments

2007-02-01T23:05:00.000-05:00

I just returned from having drinks with a friend, so my grammer and speeling (kidding) may not be entirely correct, as I am only half coherent. I had the day off today, and was able to relax and work a little on my book. I'm making some exceptional progress, though judging from my past, and the amount of time I've put into it... I'm due for an intervention.

The first time I tried creating a serious project, I was 17. I tried to write a mystery novel using a word processor. I was about 1/5th into it (which is a lot for a typical 400 page novel, before editing) and somehow lost the entire document. At the time it felt as though I was not meant to write it, as I was quite meticulous in keeping the files safe.

Later, when I was around 20, I found a program that allowed people to create their own video game in an RPG (roll playing game) setting. Most people simply messed around with the program, but I learned it inside and out, and was in the process of making a full, 7-10 hour gameplay game. It involved many characters and places, all designed by me. I even used my voice for the hero of the story. I was quite literally about 1/3 into creating the game when *BAM!* ...I lost a file. I don't know how I lost it, or why the file was so important. All I knew was that I could no longer load up the game, nor could I retrieve anything from all the back-ups I made. Once again it was like a divine intervention. It were as though I was not meant to complete the game. Granted, the graghics were 32-bit and obsolete, and by the time I finished it, there would be so much more out there. But it was my hobby at the time, and I lost all of it.

Well this book idea I have has been my hobby for a year and a bit, and so far it is pretty involved. It started with a friend of mine wanting me to come up with a storyline for his roll playing game, and it turned into a three dimensional world, with people, and societies, and crazy environments. I just hope that divine intervention doesn't touch this book of mine, because if it does I will forever be scared; too scared to ever attempt anything on a large scale again.

Lyrical Genius!

2007-01-25T02:46:00.000-05:00

So, everyone has their reasons for liking a given musical artist; be it for their vocal talent, ability to write good music, or sometimes for their looks.
I've enjoyed "Weird Al" Yankovic for many years, due to his hilarious whit, and his spoofs. But the song "BOB" takes the cake, when up against other songs that were cleverly written. (Is "cleverly" a word?)
In the song "BOB", every line in the many verses are considered palindromes; when read in either direction they are the exact same... just like the name/word "BOB".
For instance, let us take the first verse:
I, man, am regal - a German am I
Read it backwards and you will still get: I, man, am regal - a German am I
And not only are each of his verses palindromes, they also rhyme at the appropriate point in the song. Taking the second and third verse:
Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi
You'll notice that the third and first verse rhyme. This song must have taken him a while to come up with, but it is so amazing, and funny at the same time.
For your viewing pleasure, here is the entire palindrome song:
I, man, am regal - a German am I
Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi
Madam, I'm Adam
Too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon
Too bad I hid a boot
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir
Do geese see God?
"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod
Rats live on no evil star
Won't lovers revolt now?
Race fast, safe car
Pa's a sap
Ma is as selfless as I am
May a moody baby doom a yam?

Ah, Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on
Lonely Tylenol
Not a banana baton
No "x" in "Nixon"
O, stone, be not so
O Geronimo, no minor ego
"Naomi," I moan
"A Toyota's a Toyota"
A dog, a panic in a pagoda
Oh no! Don Ho!
Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!
Senile felines
Now I see bees I won
UFO tofu
We panic in a pew
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog!

The Dog and Casino

2006-12-22T03:17:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a trip to Casino Niagara. The Armadillo had a contest to see who could sell the most Kokanee beers. The top winners got to go to Niagara via limosine. We left at 8:00pm and returned around 2:30am... So much fun. I've never been to a casino before.

So I was down $10 in total, but I wasn't really there for the gambling. I just wanted to have a good time, and I did.

And now for some relatively sad news...

The other day I was working on my book when our Super came to the door. When I answered it, Nikka (Bryan's dog) ran out the front door. I quickly put on shoes and grabbed my keys, and chased after the dog. I chased her all the way to the 401, then had her chasing me back up to the house. I figured I can try to get her to follow me. Unfortunately she is a little disobedient and decided to go off on her own.

Now, you need to understand that she is small and fast. Really fast. I couldn't catch her. I was getting furious, because not only had I just spent about 40 minutes in the cold, running around without a jacket, but Bryan had disconnected his phone. I couldn't reach him. Nikka had disappeared completely without a trace.

Eventually I got Byron and Sarah to help me look for Nikka, and when Bre and Bryan came home, we all went on the hunt.

We searched every park and street from Flemo to Peanut Plaza, to Havenbrook to across the DVP. After four hours of being lost, Bre and I went home. And wouldn't you know it, Nikka was sitting on the doorstep, waiting to get inside. It is amazing how dogs can find their way through foreign areas to get home. Sadly, she was bleeding, and had a large gash on both her right legs. The front leg was cut right down to the bone.

Though it was like, 10pm, we got her to an emergency vet. After being put under and having surgery, she came home with a cone around her neck, and a puppy-cast on her leg. She had stitches on the other.

But Nikka is a tough girl, as she hadn't lost any spark in her personality as most dogs would after such an ordeal. Plus, she tries to walk whenever she can. She should make a good recovery.

As to what casued the gash in her leg, I don't know. If she was attacked by an animal, it is unlikely that only her two right legs would be injured, and if she was hit be a car, you'd think she'd have bruises. She must have been caught in something sharp.

Either way, Bryan and Bre are just thankful to have their dog back in (relatively) one piece.

As for me... Well I still think she's ugly, but once you've shared an experiences with someone (or a dog), you develop a bond.

I think I pissed my pants.

2006-12-14T02:50:00.000-05:00

On the Road to Recovery

2006-11-29T01:52:00.000-05:00

Sorry folks, but this entry is going to be quite vague due to its sensitive, and personal nature.

Tonight I believe God tested me to see if I had reformed from an incident that took place a few weeks ago. I know I passed, but not with flying colours.

Three weeks ago my life had hit a pivotal moment; it was a time of drastic change that could only come to me when I hit rock bottom. I am so grateful for those events, if only because the aftermath made me a better person. And tonight the same damning situation arose again, but in the end I was able to squirm out of it, though I wish it didn't take me so long to do it.

I really have to be more careful though. I need to take preventative measures so that I can avoid such situations all together.

Okay, it's like this... Imagine I was addicted to oranges, alright something more realistic: I'm addicted to drugs. I've been taking them all my life, all the while knowing that they are bad but not doing anything to stop myself. Then one day I overdose so badly that not only do I hurt myself, but the ones I love. I finally realize I'm slowly ruining my life, and any chance of living the dreams I may have. So I go cold turkey. Completely drug free. This lasts for three weeks until at another time of weakness, an opportunity to take drugs arises again. My dealer is practically shoving the drug in my face saying "you know you want it." After an hour of saying to myself "yes Jared, you want to do the drug so badly, but you know you can't. So how are you going to explain this in a nice way?" I finally realize that this is ridiculous! Here I am, trying to be drug free, and this whole time I'm worried about how to turn my dealer down nicely?!?

In the end push came to shove, and my only alternative was to be an ass, just to pass God's test.

But did I really handle the situation the best I could? probably not. If I was smart I would have seen it coming before it happened, and dodged the bullet, instead of letting it graze me a little.

And yes, I'm human and can't be perfect. And yes I am so VERY grateful that I held true to myself. I'm just so very sick of these games.

Now despite whatever you may think is really going on in my head (since I never had a drug problem in my life), you're probably wrong.

And now it's like, 2:10am. It actually took me half an hour to write this. I must be tired.

You Tube Junky

2006-11-20T00:22:00.000-05:00

Aww man, I just looked over some hilarious YouTube vids. I started off by looking at Farhan's Website, where he put up a video that seems to make me laugh in even the crapiest of moods...

Warning..There may be a little swearing in this one

Then I browsed a little more and found...

I'm shaking my head right now

Friggin' hilarious, though the end was a little weird (just before it went black). Of course a deleted scene from the Borat movie can be found here...

Wah wah we wah!

I know he has racial slurs that should offend me, but for some reason what he said at the end had me in stitches. I even did one of those laughs that sound like a choking walrus, when you breathe in too hard. It was just funny on at least two levels. One being the blatant disregard for women in a sexual way. Aww, I hope no one is mad at me for laughing at that (Sorry Ronni, in advance). But sometimes things are so blatantly wrong to say, that my first reaction was to burst out laughing.

okay... and this one too, if you like Walken.

I'm bad with numbers

Panic! Mannequin.

2006-11-17T00:15:00.000-05:00

I went to see the Panic! At The Disco concert tonight. Jess was right... they do suck live. Actually so much so, that when I went to listen to them again on my mp3 player, I had to shut it off in revulsion. I'm probably going to delete all the songs from them on my computer. Meanwhile, Jack's Mannequin (one of the opening bands) was quite good. I don't really know their songs all that well, but he is great live (better than in my headset), and quite talented. Okay, That is all for tonight.

I'm an Actor!

2006-11-14T01:04:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I was asked to perform in a short preview a while back (as you may recall). Well the final copy is out, and can be seen here:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1424192888

Busy October

2006-10-27T14:14:00.000-05:00

It has been quite the eventful month, as it turns out. Between all the parties, birthdays, and events it’s hard to just relax.

The month started off with me being really depressed. I couldn’t tell you why, but all I know is that it always happens around this time of year, and lasts for about a week. I was pretty miserable, but I snapped out of it quickly.

For my birthday Leah took me out for lunch to The Mongolian Grill on Don Mills. The food was just okay, but it was likely because we got there ½ hour before they were closing. So the service was half-ass and the food was left-over. But the company was awesome! She also got me one of those ‘sayings’ shirts that was pretty funny – I must say – and a keychain she made from scrabble letters. Kick ass!
In the evening my parents took me out to Baton Rouge, where we enjoyed a great dinner, and coffee. I had this Mesquite Chicken with fries and cinnamon apples. Good stuff.

Meanwhile, Leah and I enrolled in Spanish courses. I’ve only had two so far, but things are coming along nicely. I really hope I get a lot from the classes. Between that and guitar lessons, I almost feel like I’m back in school (somewhere I need to be).

On the 23rd Bee, B2, and I threw a Jack Astor’s reunion party. It was a great success! Everyone turned up (making me worried about the noise). It was great seeing so many familiar faces under one roof; it’s the kind of thing I live for! I love it when I get to see all my friends at once. Everyone behaved themselves for the most part, and I got more signatures on my wall (thanks guys). The only down side to the night was that someone stole Marta’s money ($200), and my digital camera. We have a good idea who it was. It’s those people you don’t exactly invite, but it wasn’t like you didn’t invite them, and they somehow show up, and everyone sighs and rolls their eyes saying “who invited that guy/girl?” Anyway, the idiot forgot to steal the charger, extra battery, and special USB cable, so they won’t get much for the dented, 5 year old, 2 mega-pixel camera. I just want the SD chip that had all the good memories in it back.

Anyway, I’m so happy that everyone had a good time. Now work is picking up again, so hopefully I’ll be able to pay off this expensive month.. hehe.

Aside from that I also went up to Barrie last weekend with Farhan. Mars asked us to be a part in her film project. It was a thirty second part in a five minute skit. We got there around 7:30pm and left around 2am… and it was a lot of fun! Thanks Mars for the opportunity. I’ll post a pic up later if I remember, since I’m in a little bit of a rush this afternoon. No easter eggs this time.

Thanks for the busy October!

New Art Page

2006-10-14T00:04:00.000-05:00

At the request of my good friend Michelle Galeotalanza, I have added a button to the right panel, leading to "My Art". Every so often I'll post some of my sketches, either old or new. Enjoy!